Underneath Their Robes

A Warm Welcome for UTR Search

In addition to the changes were outlined by Article III Groupie earlier this weekend, UTR now has a search feature. This is a capability that many of you have wanted for a long time, and A3G is happy to give you what you want. 

So now you can find out what A3G has previously said about your favorite federal judges. Just enter the judge's name in the search box, select the "underneaththeirrobes.blogs.com" option, and click "Google Search."

The search function is far from perfect, largely because Google doesn't seem to have indexed many individual UTR posts. It tends to pick up index pages as opposed to specific posts. So here's a searching tip: after the search pulls up a bunch of index pages, click on one of them. Then, after the index page has loaded -- which can take a while, since some of the index pages are huge -- do a "Find" (ctrl-F) for your desired search term.

HAPPY SEARCHING!

Surgeon General's Warning: "Judge Rendell's Casserole May Be Hazardous to Your Health!"

Time for a "Searching Under the Robes" post. The weird, funny, or interesting web searches that bring people to this blog never fail to entertain.* Here's the latest batch of searches , preceded in each case by commentary from A3G:

Um, no, we don't think she's had one...

--Consuelo M. Callahan abortion

Okay, fine; A3G realizes that the searcher was probably just seeking information about the abortion jurisprudence of Judge Consuelo Callahan (9th Cir.), a Supreme Court short-lister. But part of the fun of "Searching Under the Robes" is taking web searches and reading ridiculous things into them, without any justification!

For example, take this search, which lends itself to double entendres:

--Thomas underneath clerks

You said it, not A3G (who does not wish to be hunted down in the middle of the night and killed by the Luttigator mafia):

--judge luttig is brilliant, but not very nice

--judge luttig feeds clerks by any means necessary

A3G will say, however, that among the white male SCOTUS candidates, she is rooting for Judge Michael W. McConnell (10th Cir.) -- who also counts Hugh Hewitt, Eugene Volokh, and Orin Kerr among his fans -- or Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr. (3d Cir.), who is also brilliant, but known for being very pleasant, low-key, and mild-mannered (despite the misleading nickname of "Scalito.").

But as A3G recently observed, the SCOTUS nomination of Judge J. Michael Luttig (4th Cir.) is starting to look inevitable. In light of poll results like this, which suggest that "few Americans see [diversity] as an essential quality of the next nominee," it's looking increasingly likely that John Roberts will be joined on the bench by his good friend and former groomsman, Mike Luttig.

A3G speculates that Judge Alito, one of the Great Unwashed, is being used as cannon fodder to shield Judge Luttig, one of the Elect (OT 1983/Burger). While the liberal interest groups waste time and energy gearing up to fight Judge Alito, going over his Third Circuit Casey opinion with a fine-tooth comb, Judge Luttig can start plotting his move across the Potomac. Once again, as was the case with Judge Edith Brown Clement (5th Cir.) and then-Judge John G. Roberts, the Great Unwashed are forced to make sacrifices so that the Elect can continue their world conquest. What else is new?**

Look, if you have such detailed and specific fantasies, wouldn't it be easier just to write your own erotica?

--free erotic stories husbands catching wives with black lover get turned on watching

Duck hunting, yes; sandal wearing, no; sodomy, maybe...

--justice scalia hobbies and interests

Hey, A3G is curious too. If you hear anything juicy about the well-coiffed Judge Sotomayor, please let A3G know!

--sonia sotomayor personal life

Really? How interesting! (And yes, it's true; you can read about it here.)

--boston university professor fired for blogging about a distractingly attractive student

Hmm... Any plaintiffs' lawyers out there reading UTR? Could we have a class action on our hands?

--judge rendell's casserole made me fat!!!

If cigarette companies can be held liable for the illnesses of smokers, surely Judge Marjorie O. Rendell (3d Cir.) -- who also serves as the First Lady of Pennsylvania, as the wife of Governor Edward Rendell -- can be held liable for adverse health consequences arising out of her broccoli-chicken casserole. Judge Rendell is contributing to America's obesity epidemic -- and she deserves to pay for it, in the form of money damages to her victims. Somebody get Stan Chesley on the phone!

(And no, the fact that Judge Rendell also offers a recipe for a raspberry souffle that purports to be "lowfat!" is no defense. It would be like Altria trying to escape tort liability by saying, "Sure, our product kills people -- but we support lots of charitable organizations!")

Now, some of you might be thinking: "Judge Rendell's recipe calls for taking copious amounts of cream cheese and adding salt. If you eat it and get fat, it's your own damn fault!" But did that kind of "personal responsibility" reasoning help the tobacco companies? No way! And it probably won't save the fast food comanies either, now that the trial lawyers have them in their sights. So Judge Rendell should be fair game, for her "Super-Sizing" of the good people of Pennsylvania.

A study question for any law dorks among the UTR readership (i.e., all of you): Because Judge Rendell disseminated the aforementioned casserole recipe in her official capacity as First Lady of Pennsylvania, can she claim qualified immunity in a damages action arising out of her deadly casserole? (Feel free to post any thoughts in the comments.)

* Google, by the way, now has its own version of a report on the searches people are running.

** Are you getting tired of A3G's constant, resentful whining over not getting a Supreme Court clerkship? Well, you're not alone, but sorry -- she can't help herself. And since UTR is her blog, she can be as bitter as she pleases; venting her spleen in this manner is actually therapeutic for her. You must accept the bad parts of this blawg along with the good. Consider listening to A3G's endless b****ing as the price of admission to UTR.

Congratulations, Bloggers Turned Clerks-To-Be!

Congratulations to blogging hotties Heidi Bond, of Letters of Marque, and JudithEmily, of Punch & Judy, on scoring some awesome Ninth Circuit clerkships! Even though the Ninth Circuit gets a bad rap, due to its fairly high reversal rate, it's a very fun circuit to clerk for, due to the colorful characters and peculiar personalities who populate it.

Also, it's worth noting that the judges Heidi and Judith will be clerking for are typically vindicated rather than bench-slapped by the Supremes. Heidi will be clerking for the #1 Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary, Judge Alex Kozinski, and Judy will be clerking for Judge Cynthia Holcomb Hall, a former paramour of the late Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist.

Someone recently accessed this blog by running this search. A3G's answer: most definitely! Just don't violate your duties of confidentiality to your judge, and be sure to comply with all applicable judicial ethics rules. (For some helpful guidance on the subject of blogging while clerking, check out this excellent discussion at stickbugblog.) A3G hopes that Heidi and Judy will remain in the blogosphere, even after they start walking the hallowed halls of the House of Hotties, a.k.a. 125 South Grand Avenue, Pasadena, California. Once again, congratulations, ladies!

If you know of other bloggers who have obtained fantastic federal judicial clerkships -- or if you are one yourself -- please post a comment to this post (along with a link to the blog in question). Thanks!

P.S. The folks over at Jewdicious, who recently taught A3G a little Yiddish, might enjoy the Yiddish lessons being given by the commenters to this post by Heidi. As we all know, Heidi's future boss co-authored the leading authority on Yiddish in the law: Alex Kozinski & Eugene Volokh, Lawsuit, Schmawsuit, 103 Yale L.J. 463 (1993).

An Addendum on Antonin and the Arts

Article III Groupie didn't realize that Justice Antonin Scalia's recent visit to the Juilliard School, which she just blogged about here and here, was getting so much play in the news media and the blogosphere. The event was actually written up in the New York Times (gavel bang: Ninoville), which also carried, in the same issue, a story about Justice Scalia's upcoming service as grand marshal for New York's Columbus Day Parade this year.

Although Ninomania, the preeminent Scalia blog, has not chimed in yet, several other fine blawgs have discussed Justice Scalia's appearance and speech at Juilliard. If you go to Google Blog Search and run the search Scalia Juilliard, you'll come across a few, including some of A3G's favorite blogs:

--PrawfsBlawg ("To the extent the Solomon Amendment case turns ultimately on government's role as speaker and funder, [Scalia's speech] certainly suggests the orientation of Scalia's vote on this case.");

--Althouse ("What is less sexy than Scalia, et al, deciding what is "a good healthy interest in sex"?");

--Jewdicious (which A3G discovered fairly recently and has been enjoying); and

--Crescat Sententia (which is how A3G first learned of the event, and which kindly interviewed A3G last month).

(The Google Blog Search for Scalia Juilliard did not, however, pick up two of A3G's most beloved blogs: the Volokh Conspiracy, and her own blog.)

Some bloggers and comment-posters have suggested that Justice Scalia's remarks might call into question his impartiality in the Solomon Amendment case. A3G views this as a stretch, resting upon an overreading of the Justice's speech. She tends to agree with the comment posted by "Justice Fuller" at the Volokh Conspiracy: "[Justice Scalia] was just describing the law and views expressed in his prior written opinions." Indeed, Justice Scalia's rather general, almost banal observation that "he who pays the piper calls the tune" contrasts sharply with the far more specific remarks about the Pledge of Allegiance case that caused him to recuse himself in Elk Grove Unified School District v. Newdow.

Uh-oh, this is veering dangerously into substantive territory -- which A3G leaves to people far more intelligent than she (including, but not limited to, law professors and Supreme Court clerks). Time to get back to the world of gossip!

(Update: Please note Professor Paul Horwitz's clarification in the comments to this post. Various commenters have suggested that Justice Scalia's remarks might call into question his impartiality in FAIR v. Rumsfeld, but Professor Horwitz was not intending to make that point in his PrawfsBlawg post.)

Searching Under the Robes: "sandra oconnor tennis outfit"

Time for a brief Searching Under the Robes post, in which Article III Groupie publishes some of the more interesting, strange, or funny Google that have brought web surfers to this blog.

1. In a word: FABULOUS!!!

--what it's like to clerk for a federal judge

2. Well, can you blame them?

--new orleans judges not hiring katrina

(For an interesting article about how girls and women with that ill-fated name are coping with anti-Katrina discrimination in the wake of the devastating hurricane, click here.)

3. A3G fears for the Republic (but is curious herself about that tennis outfit):

--What was Sandra Day O, Connor job before retiring

--sandra oconnor tennis outfit

--"three meat ravioli" olive garden calories

4. Article 3 Groupie, that's who!

--WHO JUDGES SOMEONE BY THEIR SHOES

5. Uh, NO:

--federal judges are lazy

6. Uh, double NO; this judge is the gubernatorial spouse you have in mind. Although Judge Rendell and Judge Jones are both judicial hotties, they are not to be confused. (Judge Jones is a hard-line conservative, while Judge Rendell is more liberal.)

--Is Judge Edith Jones of the 5th Circuit married to Gov. Ed Rendell of PA?

7. How about this one: "Why did the district judge cross the road?" "Because the circuit judge said she had to!"

--Reversal jokes

8. Also known as 125 South Grand Avenue, Pasadena, California, home to the #1 Male Superhottie and the #2 Female Superhottie of the federal judiciary:

--The House of Hotties

9. Just plain weird...

--dakota fanning navel

--my son wears girls clothes

--kelly clarkson does not wear panties

--picture of nun playing golf

10. You're looking for examples? Within the federal judiciary, there are just so many of them! Jane Fonda ain't got nothin' on her, her, her, her, or her...

--female activist celebrities

11. Um, yeah, it's nipping at the heels of Per Se:

--"new york times" "olive garden" review

12. Okay, here's one: "How should you react if Russell Crowe throws a telephone at you?" (Proper response, for a staff member at a five-star, service-oriented property: "Move my face into the trajectory of the telephone, take a direct hit, and then offer him a second telephone to throw at me. At a luxury hotel, the guest's wish is our command!")

--Sample Interview Questions When Going For An Interview As A Front Desk Clerk For A Five Star Hotel

13. Take a number, buddy!

--I want to be a supreme court clerk

14. Type up one that reads -- in 36-point type (for improved readability) -- "YOU ARE VERY VERY OLD, AS OLD AS JUSTICE STEVENS!"

--type a one page letter to your wife on her 85th birthday

15. Three little words: prestige, prestige, prestige!!! (And the six-figure salary and spiffy robes are nothing to scoff at...)

--Why would you want to be a federal judge

The Roberts' Adoptions: What We Do Know

Earlier today, Article III Groupie noticed a dramatic upward spike in traffic to her blog, fueled largely by Google searches like "John Roberts" adoption, john roberts children, "judge roberts" adopted children, etc. She also noticed a number of odd searches that combined the topics of the New York Times, adoption, and our fabulous Supreme Court nominee, Judge John G. Roberts, Jr. (such as "new york times" roberts adoption).*

A3G was somewhat puzzled by these searches. But then she came across this Wonkette post, which in turn directed her to this Drudge Report item, which indicated that the New York Times is investigating the adoption records of Judge and Mrs. Roberts's two absolutely adorable, adopted children: Josephine Roberts, age 5, and dancing Jack Roberts, age 4.

Now, an apparent digression. In his excellent essay "Bad News," which appeared this past Sunday in the New York Times Book Review, Judge Richard A. Posner conducted a penetrating, endlessly interesting analysis of the predicament of the mainstream news media.** He noted the competition that the media now face from bloggers, observing that "bloggers are parasitical on the conventional media. They copy the news and opinion generated by the conventional media, often at considerable expense, without picking up any of the tab."***

So back to our SCOTUS nominee, Judge John Roberts; his wife, Jane Sullivan Roberts; and their two kids, Josie Roberts and Jack Roberts. The topic of the Roberts adoptions is obviously a sensitive one that should be handled with care. Accordingly, in order to avoid crossing any lines or violating the privacy of the Roberts family, A3G will demonstrate Judge Posner's point: she will function parasitically with respect to prior news media coverage of the Roberts adoption, by bringing to your attention various facts that legitimate news organizations have already unearthed and reported. Thus, if you have a problem with any of the information appearing below, you should take it up not with A3G, but with the professional news publication that originally broadcasted it (to an audience vastly larger than A3G's).

Without further ado, here are a few facts about the Roberts' adoptions, as previously reported by the mainstream media (which A3G has merely collected and reshaped into an easy-to-follow, question-and-answer format):

1. Why did Judge and Mrs. Roberts decide to adopt?

The Washington Post offers this account:

In 1996 [Jane Sullivan Roberts] married John Roberts, whom she had met once years earlier through mutual friends. (One of the groomsmen was Michael Luttig, an appeals court judge who was also on the short list for the Supreme Court nomination.) By then she was 42, and Catholic doctrine prohibits most forms of fertility treatment. She and her husband went though an "uncertain difficult period where she wanted badly to have children," says [Pillsbury Winthrop partner] Tina Kearns.

For a long time the adoption process didn't work out, but Roberts never lost hope, Kearns says. Five years ago they adopted a daughter, Josephine, and in less than a year a son, John, and Roberts was suddenly a 45-year-old mother of two infants.

2. Where are the Roberts children from originally?

According to Time magazine, they were born in Ireland:

Jack McCay, law partner of Roberts' wife Jane and a friend, speaks of the couple's adoption of John (Jack) and Josephine, born in Ireland 4 1/2 months apart. "As frequently happens when you go through the adoption process, some of the efforts weren't successful, and it continued for a time ... But when the opportunity came along to have not just one but two kids, they took both babies without blinking."

As the foregoing indicates, because the children are so close in age -- less than 9 months apart -- Josie and Jack are not siblings (even though they look like they could be related). Their being Irish-born is not entirely surprising, in light of the fact that Mrs. Roberts's family "held onto its ties to Ireland, keeping a family home in the small town of Knocklong in the County of Limerick, where they still gather at least every two years" (as reported by the New York Times).

3. So were the children adopted from Ireland?

This is not clear -- the Associated Press reports that they were "adopted from Latin America." This seems a bit puzzling, in light of the Time magazine report indicating that the children were born in Ireland. Also, their blonde hair and fair skin do not seem conventionally Latin American. Perhaps the children were born in Ireland, but were in Latin America immediately prior to their adoption.

4. How were the children adopted?

According to The New York Times, based on information from Mrs. Roberts's sister, Mary Torre, the children were adopted through a private adoption. As explained by Families for Private Adoption, "[p]rivate (or independent) adoption is a legal method of building a family through adoption without using an adoption agency for placement. In private adoption, the birth parents relinquish their parental rights directly to the adoptive parents, instead of to an agency."

Apparently the process of adopting Jack involved some stress for John Roberts. According to Dan Klaidman of Newsweek, during the contested 2000 election, Roberts "spent a few days in Florida advising lawyers [for George W. Bush] on their legal strategy," but "he did not play a central role," because " at the time, Roberts was preoccupied with the adoption of his son."

5. Do the Roberts children go to day care or school? Who takes care of them?

Per the Washington Post, the children attend Episcopal Day School. Jane Roberts now has more time to spend with her kids, since "[t]wo years ago she scaled down [her work at Pillsbury Winthrop] -- she stopped practicing law and was tapped to start the firm's in-house training and evaluation program."

********************

Okay, for the time being, that's "all the news that's fit to print," as the Times-folk like to say. Article 3 Groupie thanks the news publications cited above for their reporting. As previously noted, she has done no original reporting of her own for this post, and she therefore has not disclosed any information that was not previously disseminated by a major news organization. (She also cannot vouch for the accuracy of the foregoing information, which may contain errors.)

A3G hopes that you've found this collection of links and excerpts edifying. Good night!

* Also, today lots of people were running searches along the lines of "Katherine Harris" nude -- perhaps in the wake of what Wonkette has dubbed Katherine Harris's Extreme Makeover. Congresswoman Harris sure looks fantastic!

Oh, and Representative Harris blogs, too. Her blog didn't exist back in 2000, though, so liberals shouldn't go looking for archived entries like, "Today I helped Bush steal the presidential election. Oh, and I tried those rice snacks called Quakes for the first time. Gosh they're good! Rice cakes really aren't my thing -- they usually taste like crap -- but these ones are pretty yummy. Can you believe they're only 70 calories per serving?" 

** Of course, some people disagreed strongly with Judge Posner's analysis, which is to be expected when one writes a lengthy and probing piece on a controversial topic.

In their introduction to Judge Posner's piece, the editors of the Book Review wrote:

How does Richard A. Posner do it? A federal appeals court judge, a senior lecturer at the University of Chicago Law School, an editor of The American Law and Economics Review and a blogger, he is the author of 38 books, more than 300 articles and book reviews (including one, in these pages last year, of the 9/11 Commission Report), and almost 2,200 published judicial opinions. One reaches for science fiction explanations: Posner has cloned himself; he has found a way to slow down time. Surely it's the case that he never sleeps.

Perhaps it's time to run a correction? If the editors were readers of this blog, they would know that Judge Posner sleeps an average of six hours each night.

*** Bloggers are competing with the newspapers. But now the newspapers are turning the tables, by competing with the bloggers. Various newspapers are sponsoring their own blogs, such as the Los Angeles Times's LiveCurrent blog and the Washington Post's Campaign for the Court blog.

Judicial SIGHT-ations: A Respite from Roberts

Now it's time for a brief break from the non-stop coverage of Judge John G. Roberts.* Heck, even Article III Groupie is beginning to think that Roberts-mania is getting a little out of hand. If you disagree, check out some of the Roberts-related searches that are driving traffic to this blog, which show just how obsessed the chattering classes have become over our SCOTUS nominee:

--"john roberts" boxers briefs

--john roberts "opus dei"**

--john roberts wealth

--"john roberts" height weight

--john g roberts yikes

Look, A3G adores Judge Roberts as much as, if not more than, the next gal -- or guy (or maybe not). But her last ten blog posts have all had something to do with Judge Roberts, and A3G needs a little variety in her diet. Judge Roberts is super-fabulous, but let's not forget: there are other fish in the federal judicial sea!

So now it's time for a posting in UTR's celebrity sightings column, Judicial Sight-ations: Frolics and Detours of Article III Celebrities. For your consideration, here are a few recent (and not-so-recent) sightations:

1. All the hubbub surrounding Judge Roberts is causing us to forget Justice Sandra Day O'Connor -- who is, at least until the confirmation of her successor, still a Supreme Court justice. Last Thursday, Justice O'Connor was spotted at the judicial conference of the Ninth Circuit, held in Spokane, Washington.

Justice O'Connor participated in a question-and-answer session with judges and lawyers at the conference. She concluded her remarks with the reading of an anonymous poem (which several curious UTR readers emailed A3G to ask about). For the benefit of those readers, the poem -- identified in news accounts as "anonymous" -- goes something like this (line breaks omitted):

Sometime when you're feeling important, sometime when your ego's in bloom, sometime when you take it for granted you're the best qualified in the room, sometime when you feel that you're going would leave an unfillable hole, just follow this simple instruction and see how it humbles your soul.

Take a bucket, fill it with water, put your hand in it up to the wrist. Pull it out, and the hole that's remaining is a measure of how you'll be missed.

You may splash all you please when you enter, you can stir up the water galore, but stop, and you'll find in a minute that it looks quite the same as before. The moral in this quaint example is do just the best that you can. Be proud of yourself but remember, there is no indispensable [wo]man.

How interesting! Apparently Justice O'Connor displayed a talent for poetry recitation at the conference, reading the poem with genuine feeling. (FYI, the alteration of the last word was made by SOC; the original poem ended with the word "man," which obviously scans and rhymes better.)

How should we view SOC's selection of this poem as her farewell? Is she already feeling neglected, now that the news media spotlight has shifted to her likely successor? (Justice O'Connor, if you're feeling lonely, just email A3G and invite her over for dinner. You can feed her salad and salmon anytime!)

If you're starting to miss Justice O'Connor, you can do something about it: put in a bid for the Justice O'Connor bobblehead doll! But don't delay; bidding closes tomorrow. (The bobblehead is being sold by Scott of the delightful Life, Law, Libido blog. Those who share A3G's interest in federal judges should check out these prior posts.)

Surely Justice O'Connor will be missed by Chief Justice William Rehnquist, her good friend since their days together at Stanford Law School, from which they both graduated in 1952. As everyone knows, O'Connor and Rehnquist once dated; does anyone have juicy details about their dates? Also, despite many published reports, it is not clear that Justice O'Connor ranked third in their law school class. Chief Justice William Rehnquist's status as #1 in that class, however, remains undisputed. (A3G thanks a diligent Notre Dame Law student for this tidbit.)

Of course, not everyone will miss SOC around the Court. Justice O'Connor's less-than-close relationship with Justice Antonin Scalia is widely known. But did you know that she's also "not exactly besties" with her fellow swing voter, Justice Anthony Kennedy? Don't miss this wonderfully gossipy piece by Tony Mauro, the Liz Smith of One First Street. (Hat tip: Orin Kerr of the Volokh Conspiracy.)

Even if Justice Scalia and Justice Kennedy didn't enjoy having Justice O'Connor as a colleague, perhaps they will enjoy having her with fava beans, and a nice chianti...

2. Judge Maryanne Trump Barry of the Third Circuit, older sister of celebrity real estate developer Donald Trump, was seen last Thursday night at The Red Cat restaurant in New York. UTR's spy has the scoop:

Judge Barry was dining with four young people, who did not look related to her (or to each other); presumably they were her clerks. I tried to peek discreetly at her plate as I walked by the table -- I think she was having steak.

She seemed to be having a very good time, holding court as only she can. What a fantastic judicial diva! Of course, one would expect nothing less from the big sis of "the Donald"...

Indeed! And for those of you wondering if "the Maryanne" attended her brother's wedding earlier this year to Melania Knauss -- a truly star-studded event, attended by the likes of Barbara Walters, Katie Couric, Shaquille O'Neal, Simon Cowell, and Senatrix Clinton -- the answer is: Of course she did! (The Trump siblings are quite close.)

Okay, first things first: What did Her Honor wear to the Trumptials -- her signature black robe? Actually, no. As reported here, the Maryanne was looking resplendent in an intricately embroidered gown by Eavis & Brown (whose clients include such non-judicial celebs as Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, Beyonce Knowles, and Shania Twain).

And what did the Maryanne -- who is pretty filthy rich -- get her brother and his bride as a gift? Gossip queen Cindy Adams offers this account of the judicial present:

Donald's sister, Judge Maryanne Barry, told of her gift: "Donald called Asprey to complain about the wrapping. It was Asprey's hand-tooled, very special leather album, but I'd wrapped it myself and accidentally stuck a pin through the ribbon and scratched the leather. I mean, can you believe?"

No, Judge Barry, we can't believe! You are an exalted federal appeals court judge; what the heck were you doing wrapping your own presents? Haven't you heard of law clerks?

(A3G must now chide the law clerks to the Maryanne for neglecting the personal needs of their boss. Back when A3G was a law clerk, she was a full-service operation: top-notch legal research and writing, with gift-wrapping services thrown in for free!)

3. Finally, no judicial sight-ations post would be complete without a few sightings of the Easy Rider. First, Judge Alex Kozinski was spotted earlier this year in Palm Springs (details here). Second, Judge Kozinski was seen in New York City, where he participated in a debate at NYU Law School (and thankfully was not subjected to rude questioning). A UTR correspondent offers this report:

I had the opportunity to be in the huge audience at NYU this afternoon as Judge Kozinski and Professor Burt Neuborne "discussed" the death penalty in light of Roper.

Among the highlights: Like a good (judicial) divo, Judge Kozinski had a few special requests. First, he had the organizers request that no laptops be open while he was talking. He is not a big fan of transcription or instant bloggers (who would they be reading or writing too...?).

Also, while the organizers supplied pizza to the audience from one of the local Village places, Judge Kozinski again had a few requests: extra cheese, only certain toppings, no meat (kosher, perhaps?), and definitely not from a big chain such as Papa John's. To accommodate him, a special pie was brought in from Two Boots, rumored to be NYC's best pizza (and that would be a tall order).

UTR being "the People magazine" of the federal judiciary, Judge Kozinski's attire bears mentioning. He was clad in dark khakis, a dark blue shirt (perhaps denim?), and a varsity type jacket. And he was accompanied by a teenage son. [Perhaps it was Wyatt Kozinski -- he of the nicely toned bicep?]

When talking about subjective morality as the basis of the Supremes' decision, Kozinski had a fun time repeating "you may like this now, but wait until it's the Thomas Court" (to which the moderator responded, "I thought it would be the Kozinski Court," to which he replied, "I'll be the Scalia of that court").

Lastly, making the guess that you are a Fed-Soc gal, you'll be pleased to hear that Professor Neuborne started with a long plug for the Federalist Society, about how it is the one (and has long been the only one) to pursue actual debates and multilateral discussions in law schools, bringing people together who have a diversity of ideas. He is also happy that he no longer has to rely on them now that there is the ACS doing the same (or so he thinks).

A3G thanks her reader for this report. She would also like to underscore the liberal Professor Neuborne's praise for the Federalist Society, in light of the recent much ado about nothing over Judge Roberts's possible association with the organization. The Federalist Society is not evil!

* Recent highlights from that coverage include two pieces from Slate -- Henry Blodget's analysis of the Robertsian investment portfolio, and the results of Timothy Noah's Roberts Nickname Contest -- plus this interesting article about the pre-bench professional experience of SCOTUS folks.

** Does anyone know whether Judge Roberts is associated with Opus Dei? He's certainly Roman Catholic -- but is he that Catholic?

Searching Under His Robe: Judge John Roberts

It's getting impossible to keep up with the avalanche of mainstream media and blogospheric coverage of Judge John G. Roberts, Jr. There are so many great articles and posts to read, and not enough time! This is especially true if you, like Article III Groupie, have a demanding day job.*

For the time being, A3G leaves you with this quick Searching Under the Robes post. It's a collection of some of the more interesting or amusing Google searches about Judge John Roberts that have brought web surfers to this blog, accompanied by commentary from A3G.

1. John Roberts and Jane Roberts (maiden name: Jane Marie Sullivan) got married at the relatively late age of 41. The following searches suggest that some people out there are thinking that Judge Roberts might have had a previous marriage:

--"John G. Roberts, Jr." divorce

--Judge John Roberts remarried

As far as A3G knows, however, this is the first marriage for both Judge and Mrs. Roberts.

2. These web searches reflect the public's understandable curiosity about Judge Roberts's adorable children:

--Judge John Roberts children

--"john g Roberts" adoption sons

Judge Roberts does not have "sons"; rather, he has a son and a daughter. His daughter Josephine ("Josie") is 5, and his son Jack is 4. As noted in this article, they are adopted.

(Update: For more details on their adoption, click here.)

3. Senator Schumer, don't you have better things to be doing than surfing the web?

--john g roberts what's wrong with this asshole

--dark side to justice john g. roberts

People looking for dirt on John Roberts are likely to be disappointed. He was exhaustively vetted prior to his 2003 coronation as a D.C. Circuit judge, and he came up clean as a whistle. As noted by Professor Patrick J. Schiltz, a friend of John Roberts (and former Scalia clerk), Judge Roberts "has been an Eagle Scout in his personal life."

4. The person who ran this search was probably looking for information about Mrs. Jane Roberts's involvement with the pro-life organization Feminists for Life (which one can read about here and here):

--"judge roberts" wife abortion

5. Boy do we live in a great country!

--is john roberts julia roberts sister?

--"john roberts" supreme court sister "julia roberts"

--supreme court nominee related to julia roberts?

--"john g roberts" "julia roberts"

A3G is tickled pink by the notion of average, US Weekly-reading Americans** suspecting a familial connection between Julia Roberts, a leading female celebrity, and John Roberts, a leading federal judicial celebrity. Such speculation is entirely understandable, in light of what Professor Schiltz describes as Judge Roberts's "movie-star looks."

Unfortunately, much to A3G's disappointment, John Roberts is no relation to Julia Roberts (notwithstanding this funny mock news article). Judge Roberts has three sisters: Cathy, Peggy, and Barbara. Julia Roberts has one brother, actor Eric Roberts, and one sister, Lisa Roberts Gillan.

(Interested in learning more about the nexus between judicial celebrities and Hollywood celebrities? Click here for A3G's proposal to put Jennifer Lopez on the Supreme Court.)

6. What was going through the mind of the person who ran this web search?

--john roberts dancing bush nomination

Perhaps this person was looking for pictures of Jack Roberts dancing at the news conference announcing his father's SCOTUS nomination? (Such photos are available here, via How Appealing.)

Or perhaps this person was looking for this essay by Ann Coulter, in which she calls into question John Roberts's terpsichorean talents (among other things):

After pretending to consider various women and minorities for the Supreme Court these past few weeks, President Bush decided to disappoint all the groups he had just ginned up and nominate a white male.

So all we know about [John G. Roberts] for sure is that he can't dance and he probably doesn't know who Jay-Z is. Other than that, he is a blank slate. Tabula rasa. Big zippo. Nada. Oh, yeah ... we also know he's argued cases before the Supreme Court. Big deal; so has Larry Flynt's attorney.

Ms. Coulter, Article 3 Groupie thinks you're a magnificent diva -- but your intense hostility towards Judge Roberts is quite unwarranted! It doesn't make any sense to A3G -- unless you are craftily condemning Judge Roberts as insufficiently conservative in order to make him appear more palatable to the hand-wringing liberals.

A3G is still looking for fun facts about Judge Roberts -- things that haven't appeared in the news coverage thus far, such as what he likes to eat for lunch and where he likes to shop. (She has already learned that he attends Mass at the Little Flower Parish in Bethesda, Maryland.) If you have any juicy tidbits, please do email her!

(A3G thanks How Appealing and the Supreme Court Nomination Blog for their comprehensive coverage of the Roberts nomination, from which most of the above links were taken.)

* Some of you have suggested that A3G take on a co-blogger. But as you might have guessed, that's not this diva's style. UTR is a one-woman show, and A3G is too egomaniacal, as well as too much of a control freak, to share the pages of this blawg with anyone else.

** A3G means no disrespect to US Weekly, which she absolutely adores and reads religiously. In fact, if any UTR readers out there know the fabulous Janice Min, please tell Ms. Min that A3G would love to work for her!

Searching Under the Robes: "Sandra Day O'Connor Is Evil"

And now, a short break from the "all SOC, all the time" coverage here at Underneath Their Robes. It's time for a quick Searching Under the Robes post: a collection of some of the more bizarre, funny, or disturbing searches, performed with Google and other search engines, that have brought web surfers to this blog.

If you find some of these searches vulgar or troubling, you have only yourselves to blame. These queries are run by you, the readers of UTR, and not by Article III Groupie, who is pure in heart and mind. In sharing these searches in the pages of her blawg, A3G is merely holding up a mirror to your own depravity.

1. Lots of people come to UTR seeking useful advice and practical information, including recipes:

--judge marjorie o rendell chicken broccoli casserole
--should african americans wear boxers or briefs?
--girls how eat their panties

2. UTR readers remain obsessed with thongs:

--powerpoint thongs [#1 Google result]

3. Um, the stork brings them, honey:

--WHERE DO SUPREME COURT NOMINEES COME FROM

4. The person who ran the searches listed below must be some rabid left-winger looking to create trouble. To the contrary, Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr., is known for being brilliant, mild-mannered, and unfailingly polite (as described in this interesting profile (link via the Supreme Court Nomination Blog)).

--alito crazy
--alito nuts

5. Gosh, tell us how you really feel!

--Sandra Day O'Connor is evil

6. This next search might bode well for Tom Goldstein's prediction that Judge Priscilla Owen (5th Cir.), UTR's dethroned diva, will be President Bush's nominee to the Court. Perhaps someone at the White House Counsel's Office was doing a little web-based research on her. If you were the president, would you nominate someone to the Most Fabulous Court in the Land without knowing her vital statistics?

--priscilla owen height and weight

7. It's only a matter of time, dear friends:

--"Rachel Brand" attorney general

As reported here by the Washington Post, UTR's Prom Queen "currently serves as acting head of the department's influential Office of Legal Policy and is awaiting formal confirmation from the Senate."

8. No, silly! The Seventh Circuit opinion with the colorful first footnote was written by Judge Terence T. Evans, not judicial blogger Richard A. Posner. (You can access the opinion in United States v. Murphy via How Appealing.)

--richard posner's ho

But if you're looking for A3G, her bio is available here.

9. Some people have taken their enthusiasm for Star Wars way too far:

--Darth Vader porn

--does vader wear boxers or briefs

10. The answer to this query: Fraulein J. Lo!

11. Finally, if you think that a clerkship at the U.S. Supreme Court is the most coveted and exalted of judicial clerkships -- well, think again!

--judy sheindlin law clerk

Searching Underneath the Robes: "big ass clerks"

Now, a short digression from the topic of OT 2005 Supreme Court clerks, while A3G waits for a few more juicy tidbits about Justice Thomas's incoming clerks (especially John H. and Ashley J.)...

It has been a while since Article III Groupie shared with you some of the more strange, amusing, or intriguing Google searches that have brought people to her blog. So she now brings you her latest Searching Underneath the Robes post. But first, some prefatory remarks.

1. The title of this category may be something of a misnomer, since it has nothing to do with how to search this blog for specific terms or names. If you do want to run a site search of UTR, go to Google and type in the following:

site:underneaththeirrobes.blogs.com [your desired search terms]

This will show you where your search terms have previously appeared in the pages of this august blawg. For example, you can search the entirety of Underneath Their Robes for references to your favorite federal judges. Try it -- it's fun! (If you think that an expected post is missing from what the results of your search, scroll to the bottom of the page and click on the "repeat the search with the omitted results included" link.)

Also, remember that the site search function is a bit like Westlaw: to get the best results, you must use the correct search terms. Don't forget that A3G frequently refers to certain federal judges, particular the biggest Article III celebrities, by their nicknames (e.g., "The Rock Star of One First Street," "The Easy Rider," "The Giant Hedgehog," "She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named," "Guido," etc.). So don't overlook this fact when running your site seaches.

2. A3G learns about the internet searches that bring people to her blog by periodically reviewing her website referrers log, which provides her with basic information about how people access her site. (She has not yet obtained a more detailed tracker; she relies upon the fairly barebones one provided by Typepad.) Because A3G doesn't review her referrers log all the time, she misses many interesting or funny searches. As a result, these listings are never exhaustive.

And now, on to today's searches. It's interesting to try and picture the people who stumble upon UTR by running the web queries listed below.

1. As always, many people arrive at UTR in search of practical information, "news you can use," and helpful advice:

--how to let him kiss me
--if you missed your own wedding can the girl sue for embarrassment [hmm, a tough sell; maybe the tort of outrage?]
--How a husband apologizes for looking at porn
--best IL judge to work for [that's an easy question to answer: in the district court, this judge; in the circuit court, this judge]
--Indiana penalty for unpaid speeding ticket
--open or closed toed shoes with graduation robe
--email addresses for all female lawyers in new york
--constructive info on what jaguars eat and how they get their food [huh?]
--should i show my thongs [well, just stay away from Virginia!*]

2. Speaking of thongs, they are a topic of obsessive interest to UTR readers, as reflected in the searches below. It's understandable. After all, as this amusing article reminds us, "Monica Lewinsky seduced the most powerful man in the world with a flash of her thong.... Eve had her apple. Monica had her thong."

The luscious Lewinsky's seduction of President Bill Clinton set into motion a sequence of cataclysmic events, culminating in the first presidential impeachment since Andrew Johnson. The thong could therefore be viewed as a world-historical undergarment. (Yes, Hegel is turning over in his grave right now...)

--can nuns wear thongs [sure, why not? a nun's habit could give rise to VPL]
--Are thongs immodest [not necessarily]

--child actresses must wear thongs [really?]

--thongs showing blog

--pictures of girls in thongs

3. Some access UTR by running weird, perverse, or disturbing searches, with absolutely nothing to do with federal judges, the putative subject of this blawg:

--mother in law stares at son in laws package

--photos of little sister showing her brother her first pubic hair

--old men taking advantage of passed out son girlfriend porn pics

--do male Beagles eat their own dropping

--unwashed panties photos

--nude female white supremacist

--horny women over 50 wearing high heels spreading their legs

--celebrities that eat krispy kremes

--ghetto brawling on video

4. In light of many searches like the one below, A3G must clarify that the #1 Female Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary never appeared in Playboy magazine (i.e., she was never a Playmate). She merely trained, for a very brief time, to work as a Playboy bunny in the London Playboy Club. (For more detail, see here, item #3.)

--Ex playmate kimba wood

5. For some people, however, the Southern District of New York isn't good enough. They lust after justices; they are "High Court hos"**:

--naked supreme court judges

6. Speaking of First Street fantasies -- if this blog existed, it would be A3G's dream come true!

--address for (Justice) Rehnquist's blog

Actually, come to think of it, the Chief would be a terrible blogger. Chief Justice Rehnquist is known for the concision of his opinions; he never says more than is necessary, and he refuses to ramble on in self-indulgent fashion, like a good blogger should. (Perhaps someone could do a funny parody of a WHR blog -- hopefully something in better taste than this parodic blog.)

By the way, the idea of a federal judge who blogs may not be that far-fetched. After all, Judge Richard A. Posner has his own blog!

7. These blogs do exist, interestingly enough:

--catholic nun blogs

For example, take Moniales Op, a blog by Dominican nuns. The blog had some interesting posts last month, when Pope John Paul II passed away and Pope Benedict XVI took his place.

A3G was, by the way, transfixed by the pomp and circumstance surrounding Pope John Paul II's funeral and the selection of his successor. The conclave of cardinals was majestically impressive. The sight of these distinguished men clad in identical crimson vestments sent chills up her spine, conjuring up the glamour of a court sitting en banc...

The ritualistic magnificence of the papal proceedings underscored some core truths of Underneath Their Robes, the premises upon which this blog is based: glamour can be found in the most unexpected places; celebrity resides not just in firm young flesh, but in the sagging skin of old white men...

8. Uh, NO...

--should men wear thongs yes or no

--Federal Judges Should Read Their Moral Views into the Constitution

--is justice scalia gay [If so -- jeez, talk about self-loathing!]

9. Uh, YES!!!

--hillary clinton is sexy [If A3G were to explore the L-thing, a la Marissa on "The OC"...]

--hillary was an attractive and sexy young smoker

--Chris Wray sexiest man in the right wing conspiracy [For more, see here. Christopher Wray, by the way, has left the DOJ and is back at King & Spaulding.]

10. Uh, no comment:

--berzon b***h

(As A3G has previously stated, she is too scared to write about You-Know-Who in her blog...)

11. A3G is kinda tired, so write your own punchlines for these searches:

--how to pronounce koeltl

--big ass clerks

--eligible bachelorettes in Hamilton, Ontario

Okay, that's all for now. Hurry up and send A3G some quality tidbits about John H. and Ashley J., so she can get this party started. Later!

* As mentioned in this article, some people are complaining about the proposed Virginia legislation regulating underwear visibility on equal protection grounds, arguing that it would have a disparate impact upon racial minorities. My goodness! This reaction is even more stupid than the bill itself...

** A3G thanks the many readers who brought a very funny footnote from a recent Seventh Circuit opinion to her attention. You can read about that footnote here (Appellate Law & Practice) and here (How Appealing), among other places.