Underneath Their Robes

The Passing of Peter Jennings

Peter Jennings, the former anchorman and senior editor of "World News Tonight" on ABC News, passed away yesterday at his home in New York. He was 67, and he died of lung cancer. On behalf of the readers of UTR, Article III Groupie sends condolences and sympathies to the Jennings family.

A3G would also note that Mr. Jennings, in addition to reporting numerous news stories concerning major legal events, had a more personal connection to the federal judiciary. As noted by the New York Times, "Mr. Jennings's personal life was at times grist for the gossip pages," and he was married four times. What the Times fails to mention is that in between his second and third marriages, Peter Jennings dated the #1 Female Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary, the glamorous and gorgeous Judge Kimba M. Wood (S.D.N.Y.). (For more details, including the movie that they saw on one of their dates, click here.)

Not everyone gets to travel around the world, to witness the most important historical events of our time, and to date a federal judicial hottie. Despite his passing at a relatively young age, Mr. Jennings clearly led a full, fabulous, and fantastically accomplished life. In the words of President Bush, "[a] lot of Americans relied upon Peter Jennings for their news. He became a part of the life of a lot of our fellow citizens, and he will be missed. May God bless his soul."

Banging Her Own Gavel: UTR on NPR!

Article III Groupie was noticing a surprising amount of traffic on Underneath Their Robes (UTR) for a lazy Saturday afternoon, but she didn't know what might be causing the upward spike in visits and page views. She then received this email from a reader:

SCORE! Your hottie contest, and John Roberts's 5th-place finish, was the answer to a question on "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" this morning.

How neat! A3G hasn't heard the National Public Radio (NPR) broadcast yet, but she looks forward to listening (and will post a link to it when it becomes available).

(Update: The audio clip is available here; scroll down to Round 3, second clip. It's quite funny, if A3G does say so herself! She particularly enjoyed the following quip: "My bachelor party was pretty tame -- I had only one judge!")

To any NPR listeners visiting this blog for the first time: welcome! To access information about Judge John G. Roberts's fifth-place finish in UTR's Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest, please click here (nominations) and here (results).

Article Three Groupie is thrilled about Judge Roberts's nomination to the Supreme Court -- not just because he'll make an excellent justice, but because his nomination has generated lots of great publicity for this blog. Since President Bush nominated judicial hottie Roberts to the Court, A3G's collection of media mentions has grown considerably. News media coverage of UTR -- including a recent shout-out on CNN -- can be accessed in the "UTR Press Book," located in the left-hand column of this blog.

Thanks for visiting!

Amended Opinions: Diva Dethroned!

In this very interesting post over at The Becker-Posner Blog, entitled "Blogging, Spam, and the Taxation of Internet Transactions," Judge Richard A. Posner offers the following comments in support of his view that there is "no pressing need for imposing ethical standards on bloggers":

The self-correcting machinery of the blogosphere is more efficient than the internal fact-checking departments of conventional media enterprises. This is not only because many more people... are watching out for mistakes; it is also because corrections are disseminated virtually instantaneously throughout the network. [W]hen the mainstream media catch mistakes, it may, especially in the case of the print media, take days or weeks to communicate a retraction to the public.

Article III Groupie couldn't agree more with Judge Posner. Indeed, her own blogospheric interactions with The Giant Hedgehog underscore this point. When A3G made a mistake in her reporting of Judge Posner's visit to Harvard Law School, Judge Posner brought the error to her attention in an email, and A3G promptly corrected the offending post.

As regular readers of UTR know, Article Three Groupie is constantly correcting herself (as she recently did with respect to her reports on the OT 2005 Supreme Court clerks). She would now like to amend her prior opinion of Justice Priscilla R. Owen, who could win Senate confirmation to the Fifth Circuit as early as today, in the wake of the eleventh-hour compromise that averted a filibuster showdown.

Article Three Groupie's overall opinion of Justice Owen has not changed: Priscilla R. Owen richly deserves a seat on the Fifth Circuit (and it looks like she will finally be getting one, knock on wood). But additional information about what Justice Owen is like as a person, which emerged during the non-stop news coverage about the filibuster controversy, call into question Justice Owen's entitlement to a far more important title: Queen of the Right-Wing Judicial Divas.

Perhaps buying into the left-wing propaganda about Priscilla Owen, Article III Groupie had imagined Justice Owen as a deliciously imperial female judge. Her conception of Justice Owen as magnificently high-handed, combined with Justice Owen's impressive credentials and above-average looks (by judicial standards), led A3G to name Priscilla Owen as UTR's top judicial diva. Justice Owen vanquished such worthy competitors as Justice Janice Rogers Brown, "The Uppity Black Diva," and Judge Carolyn B. Kuhl, "The California Dreamin' Diva."

Recent reports suggest, however, that Priscilla R. Owen has a softer side -- one that severely undermines her claim to judicial diva-dom. Consider the following, representative excerpts from articles and testimony about Justice Owen (A3G apologizes for the non-Bluebook-compliant citations, and she thanks How Appealing for most of the links):

1. Judge Seen as Conservative, Fair (David Savage, L.A. Times)

Pastor Jeff Black said most of the congregation [of Justice Owen's church] did not know Owen was a state supreme court justice until her nomination become a subject of national controversy.

"[Priscilla Owen] is very quiet and conscientious," said Black, who founded St. Barnabas the Encourager Evangelical Church in 1997. "She teaches Sunday school and is the head of our altar guild. Our people thought she was a nice, single lady who loves children, probably the most unlikely person to be the center of controversy."

2. Senate Floor Speech of Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison

[Priscilla Owen] is a founding member of the St. Barnabas Episcopal Mission in Austin, Texas. She serves as head of the church's altar guild. And she teaches Sunday school to preschool, kindergarten, and grade school children. On any given Sunday, you can find Justice Owen hopping on one leg, reading stories, and helping these children find ways to make the right choices in their conduct.

3. In the Eye of the Storm: Priscilla Owen is an unlikely protagonist in the Senate's toxic showdown over judges (Debra Rosenberg and Tamara Lipper, Newsweek)

[Priscilla Owen] loathed the campaign trail. "She was miserable at it," says Texas Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht, who campaigned with her. Owen was so shy that she'd spend 15 minutes on a fund-raising call and never muster the nerve to ask for money.

Born in Palacios, Texas, she lost her father to polio when she was 10 months old. She grew up running cattle and working the rice fields of her family farm. Owen and [President] Bush shared a political consultant in [Karl] Rove and later inhabited the same Austin social circles. During quail season, Owen -- a talented chef -- would invite the Bushes and her fellow justices over for a feast of home-cooked game.

Owen's Texas friends hardly recognize the ominous figure in TV ads. To her clerks, she's "the Pro," a perfectionist judge who likes to draft her own opinions. To her Sunday-school students, she's "Miss Priscilla." For Owen, who's divorced, life revolves around work. "She has a kind of monastic commitment to it," says her pastor, the Rev. Jeff Black. She separates faith from work, says Black, who notes she was appalled by the religious right's recent "Justice Sunday" rally.

Owen's secure job as Supreme Court justice has helped her wait patiently. In the meantime, says pastor Black, Owen seems serene. "Just pray for God's will to be done -- pray for everyone on both sides," she tells him.

4. Priscilla Owen's Journey from Small Town to Center of Attention (Dave Montgomery, KRT Wire)

Her mother says they talk by phone nearly every day and frequently see each other on weekends when Owen drives the 90 miles to Waco.

"She's just a very normal, loving person," [Phyllis] Derrick said in a telephone interview. "She's not an extremist."

Owen, who is divorced and has no children, lives in northwest Austin with her mixed-breed dog, Annie, who was rescued from an animal shelter.

Friends describe Owen as somewhat shy, unassuming and perhaps a bit reclusive, though she is sometimes seen at public functions. She is an avid water skier and loves horseback riding. Her mother says her fantasy ambition is to live on a ranch.

5. Senate Showdown on Judges and Filibusters Begins to Unfold (David Stout and Carl Hulse, N.Y. Times)

Senator Patty Murray [D.-Wash.] said she had met with Justice Owen and found her to be "a lovely person."

"Nice," "quiet," "shy," "unassuming," and -- worst of all -- "a lovely person"? What self-respecting judicial diva would ever earn such epithets? If a senatrix from the opposite political party calls you "a lovely person," you're definitely doing something wrong.

Based on the foregoing observations, Justice Priscilla R. Owen appears to be more drab than delicious. She is a superb jurist, and she will be a fine addition to the Fifth Circuit. But her low-key personality prevents her from being a judicial diva of the first rank.

Indeed, Justice Owen seems incapable of even playing the part of judicial diva. Take a look at practically any photograph taken of her (such as the one at right, by Doug Mills for the New York Times; proposed caption: "What, me, a judicial diva?"). Justice Owen carries herself stiffly; she looks awkward and uncomfortable in front of the cameras. She lacks the ease, poise and confidence of a true judicial diva. There is no swish to her robes.

The Fifth Circuit has 17 authorized judgeships, and after a four-year struggle, it looks like Justice Owen will finally lay her claim to one of them. But there can be only one Queen of the Right-Wing Judicial Divas -- and this title, sadly enough, must now be stripped from Justice Owen.

Justice Janice Rogers Brown, congratulations! Regardless of whether Bo Bice or Carrie Underwood prevails tonight, when it comes to judicial diva-hood, you are the American Idol!

P.S. Article III Groupie's profile of Justice Breyer's clerks is coming "soon" -- before the upcoming holiday weekend.

UTR Reissue: Battle of the Judicial Divas!

Many of you have written Article III Groupie seeking her views on the latest developments in judicial nomination warfare, including the looming battle in the Senate over the filibuster. As you might have guessed, A3G is loving all the drama. And she'd love to chime in, but as you all know -- from her incessant (and by now annoying) apologies -- she's extremely busy with her day job.

So, for the time being -- and for the benefit of the many new readers of this blog -- A3G would like to reissue a UTR classic: "Fili-BUSTED! Magnificent judicial divas have been stopped dead in their tracks. Now UTR asks: Who is the biggest diva?" (available here). This post conducts a head-to-head comparison, in terms of their "diva power," of three state court judges nominated to federal appellate courts: Janice Rogers Brown, Priscilla R. Owen, and Carolyn B. Kuhl.*

President Bush introduces the Judicial Divas at an Oval Office press conference, under the watchful gaze of RuPaul, non-judicial diva par excellence.

Issued last June, "Fili-BUSTED" was one of A3G's first posts ever (her third, to be precise). It has now become timely once again, thanks to the recent, triumphant emergence from the Senate Judiciary Committee of Janice Rogers Brown, "The Uppity Black Diva," and Priscilla Owen, "The Lone Star Diva." These delicious divas, with their brilliant minds and conservative worldviews, have put liberals across the country in a state of panic and fear. When the New York Times dedicates an entire staff editorial to attacking you, you know you've made it!

At the risk of sounding immodest, A3G thinks that "Fili-BUSTED" is a fun and fabulous piece of work. It's also important for UTR lexicographical purposes, because it was the post in which A3G first coined the term "judicial diva." So if you've never read it -- or if you have, but are having a boring Friday and looking for ways to procrastinate -- A3G commends it to you highly. To read it, click here. Bon appetit!

* Judge Kuhl, who was a nominee to the Ninth Circuit as of last June, declined renomination in the 109th Congress.

Questions Presented: Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw!!!

Article III Groupie is thrilled and honored to bring you the first interview in the Questions Presented series, a conversation with an ultra-glamorous federal judicial celebrity: Judge Kim McLane Wardlaw, of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit!

First, a brief bio. Judge Wardlaw was born on July 2, 1954, in San Francisco, California. She grew up in the Bay Area, raised by her Mexican-American mother, who worked as a bookkeeper, and her Scotch-Irish father, who worked as a door-to-door furniture salesman.

After receiving her undergraduate degree from UCLA in 1976--summa cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa, natch--Judge Wardlaw went on to UCLA School of Law, where she served as an Articles Editor for the UCLA Law Review. She also spent a trimester externing for Judge Joseph T. Sneed, now her colleague on the Ninth Circuit. After graduating from the law school--with honors, of course--she clerked for Judge William P. Gray, in the Central District of California.

In 1980, Judge Wardlaw joined the turbo-charged law firm of O'Melveny & Myers, as an associate in the litigation department. In 1987, she made partner at O'Melveny, where she successfully represented numerous major corporations (and pro bono clients). In January 1996, she donned the federal judicial robes, taking the bench as a district court judge for the Central District of California. In August 1998, Judge Wardlaw was elevated to the Ninth Circuit. In July 2004, she was named the #2 Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary.

And now, on to the interview! A3G's questions appear below in italics, and Judge Wardlaw's answers follow in ordinary roman type. (For those of you pedants out there, A3G acknowledges that she has posed more than the canonical "20 questions" to Judge Wardlaw; these might be more accurately described as "oodles and oodles of questions, about 20 rather general subject areas.")

1. What are the best and worst parts of being a federal appeals court judge?

I love my job, and am excited about going to work each day. After all, what other job would require me to further justice and equality for all, and to render opinions that can make a very real difference in people’s lives? Each year brings four more highly intelligent and interesting law clerks and several externs, whose presence in my family’s life is welcome and enriching. The job keeps me young, as there are always new, challenging cases, new people, new problems, and more to do.

The worst parts are having to get one other vote in a panel of three, or five other votes in an en banc panel; working in a government bureaucracy; and mandated travel on a schedule that I do not control.

2. Prior to your swift elevation to the Ninth Circuit--which was a foregone conclusion, in light of your overpowering qualifications and enviable connections--you served as a district court judge for approximately two and a half years. How does your experience on the district court compare with your experience on the circuit court, and which judicial post have you enjoyed more overall?

If elevation was a foregone conclusion of some, it was not on my mind at the time. My service on the district court coincided with the later years of some of the greatest judges and human beings I have ever known (including at least two women whom you would consider judicial divas). Many of them I knew personally from 17 years before, as they were close friends of Judge Gray. These judges supported and mentored me, and taught me how to be a district court judge. It was a special time in my life that I’ll always remember. In addition, I believe my service on the district court has made me a better appellate court judge than I otherwise would have been. The Ninth Circuit is very different--from day one for a new judge, it is sink or swim, and, at least when I arrived, there was very little support for those of us in the Pasadena hinterland. (Things may have changed somewhat now.)

The Ninth Circuit experience, however, does have many advantages over the district court. The district judges are on the bench from 8:30 to 5:00 or later every day. If the judge does not move the cases forward, nothing happens, especially in civil cases. As a district judge, I rarely had a weekend off, especially not a Sunday. Monday was law and motion day, with civil cases in the morning and criminal in the afternoon. Tuesday through Friday, we tried cases. The only time for preparation was the weekends. Such a schedule would be difficult for anyone, much less a mother with two young children. (My daughter was six months old on my first day on the district court; my son was seven.) Between calendars, the appeals court offers much more flexibility--one can work at home at odd hours or leave in the middle of the day for medical appointments or a school play.

Finally, the appellate cases really are more complex and interesting, as there is usually more at stake for the parties and decisions are made on the cutting edge of the law. Overall, I am enjoying my work here on the circuit court over any other job I’ve ever had.

3. Before taking the bench, you were very active in the world of politics. You worked on campaigns for such figures as Mayor Riordan, Senator Feinstein, and President Clinton, and you were a Clinton delegate to the 1992 Democratic convention. You and your husband, Bill Wardlaw, were viewed by some as a "shadow government" for the City of Angels. You also enjoyed phenomenal success as a practicing lawyer, as a litigation partner at high-powered O'Melveny & Myers, where you represented blue chip clients such as Bausch & Lomb, Blockbuster, Cigna, and Paramount Pictures.

Now, of course, politics and private practice are off-limits to you as a federal judicial celebrity. What aspects of your pre-robescent life do you miss the most? And could you ever see yourself hanging up your robe, giving up your federal judicial super-powers, and returning to life as a regular gal?

I certainly do not miss private practice, especially in light of how it has evolved into its present-day form. I feel about politics the same way I do about the district court -- I loved it when I was there, but cannot “go back.” Politics has gone beyond “personal destruction”; it has become a lawyer’s game. Election law has become criminalized; raising and giving money is no longer free expression but the subject of ongoing criminal investigations; and it currently looks as though the Presidential election of 2004 will be decided by tens of thousands of litigators and in the courts.

What I miss most about politics is being able to actually do something about the issues I care about--to engage in advocacy, to support candidates I believe in, and to work for a candidate. In a three-year period, I was fortunate to work on Presidential, California gubernatorial (Kathleen Brown), and mayoral races. It was an exhilarating experience, but I cannot see myself doing it again. I remain interested in the subject, however, and am fortunate that my husband remains involved.

As for the last question, I’m already a “regular gal”; I’m just also a federal appellate judge.

4. Do you believe that women in the legal profession are judged according to different standards than men?

Yes.

On a related note, do you consider yourself to be a judicial diva?

Yes.

5. Regardless of your answers to question #4, based on your experience as both a district judge and a circuit judge, which position in your view offers better opportunities for a judicial diva to strut her stuff? (On the one hand, as a district court diva, you don't have to worry about securing the agreement of pesky colleagues; on the other hand, you do have to worry more than a circuit court diva does about getting reversed.)

As a district judge, I never worried about reversal. I adhered to Judge Gray’s view that you just do the best you can and then let it go. That’s still my attitude. But having to secure the agreement of colleagues is altogether another issue, best left undiscussed on this page. If you really want to be a judicial diva then the district court is for you. It is your show: you control the courtroom, dictate scheduling, and can rule from the bench. And, you can never be late because “court” isn’t “court” until you arrive.

6. As your status as a federal judicial superhottie makes clear, you are a super-hot female. (For UTR's more politically correct readers, here's a rephrasing of the prior sentence: You are--when judged according to conventional, Western standards of beauty, which A3G in no way endorses--a woman of above-average physical attractiveness.) How has your pulchritude affected your legal career, and has it been an overall help or hindrance? And do you agree with the reader who stated that you were “robbed” in the superhottie contest?

That is very flattering, but I really don’t think of myself as someone whose looks are her best trait, or even an important trait. Growing up, I was the slightly overweight, bookish older sister to a truly beautiful girl. She was the pretty one; I was the smart one. Those formative impressions never really leave you.

I did learn, early on, that people make assumptions based on their first snapshot of someone, and most of those assumptions are based on how one looks. Among them is: “a pretty woman can’t be smart.” One of my husband’s “liberal” friends once told us that his wife didn’t have to work because she was beautiful. During my second set of confirmation proceedings, I was told that some people thought I wasn’t smart enough because I looked like a California girl (which I proudly am). I actually empathize a bit with Reese Witherspoon’s character in “Legally Blonde”-- during my first semester at UCLA, no one invited me to be in their study group!

But those stereotypes and assumptions are readily overcome with great grades or a first-rate product. (After my first semester at UCLA, lots of people wanted my class outlines.) And, I’m here; so looks could not have hindered my career too much. And, by the way, attractiveness in a man is often deemed a factor for success, especially so for the older man. See supra, Question 4.

7. UTR readers who nominated you as a federal judicial superhottie raved about your "incredible body." Alas, serving as a federal appeals court judge isn't the most aerobically demanding of occupations. What are your secrets--e.g., diet, exercise, liposuction--for maintaining the judicial body in such fine form?

I’m just trying to stay healthy so I can still be on the bench when I’m 80. Diet and exercise, as everyone always says, truly are the key. I follow the school of high protein, lots of vegetables, low-fat food (except I’m addicted to Lay’s potato chips and chocolate chip cookies). I try to work out every day--half aerobic, half weights. (Okay, so its been a month, but I’ve been traveling.) Fortunately, I have two children who keep me extremely busy.

8. Please tell us all there is to know about your fabulous judicial robes! For example:

(a) "Who are you wearing?"
(b) How many robes do you own?
(c) Do you have different robe styles for different occasions?
(d) Any tips on how to properly care for judicial robes?
(e) Do you ever wear your robe outside the courtroom? (Some possibilities: on Halloween; to costume parties; when traveling in the Middle East, accessorized with a black ski mask; or when you take your Jaguar in for servicing, to send a message of "Don't overcharge me for those repairs--I may be a woman, but I'm a federal judge!")
(f) Anything other fun tidbits you'd like to add about your robes?

When I first arrived at the district court, Chief Judge Consuelo Marshall shared her robe-secret with me: all of her robes were designed by a retired Hollywood dress designer, Henri O’Bryant. He designed three for me before he passed away. The other two were gifts: one, a departing gift from O’Melveny & Myers, and the other, a gift from the Chancery Club. I keep one in San Francisco, two in my Pasadena chambers, and two at home for other travel. Some are dressier than others and are used (if I can find them) on special occasions. It has never even occurred to me to wear my robe outside the courtroom!

9. In terms of your non-robescent wardrobe, UTR readers have praised your "elegant ensembles." How would you characterize your personal style and fashion sense? In particular, please share with A3G any favorite designers or preferred shopping venues.

The best, most convenient venue is Union Square, including Maiden Lane, in San Francisco. Other places I love are Michigan Avenue in Chicago, Bergdorf’s in New York, and the Los Angeles garment district. Due to time constraints, I am a habitual catalogue shopper. A friend once described my style as “eclectic”-- I love finding new designers and trying out new styles. Despite all that, I’m most comfortable in jeans, which our chambers wears on Fridays.

10. You are a woman of impeccable taste, a lover of beautiful places and things. You and your husband have lived in some gorgeously decorated homes, including your current home in San Marino, and your home in Pasadena before that. You subjected your judicial chambers to an "extreme makeover," which included the installation of a controversial custom carpet that has UTR readers as bitterly divided as this year's presidential election. How would you describe your interior decorating philosophy?

Because I knew that my clerks and I would spend long hours in chambers, I wanted the chambers to be comfortable and elegant, as well as functional. My longtime personal friend, interior designer Penny Bianchi, who did most of the decor in both my homes, volunteered her services pro bono to help out with the chambers. I contributed some pieces from home, brought some from the district court, and inherited some from the late Judge Wiggins. Penny did the rest. By the way, the sea grass carpet has been featured in Architectural Digest. It is considered quite elegant by those who understand style.

11. There are many different models of the judge-clerk relationship. Some include the "buddy" judge, the "den mother" judge, the slave-driver judge, the professional but distant judge, etc. Do you subscribe to a particular theory of judge-clerk relations, and how would you characterize your own relationship with your clerks?

I think of our work as being on a team where we share the same values, goals, and dedication to our work, and in which we each have our separate roles, but must be team players. I try to develop lasting relationships with my law clerks and externs. With your indulgence, my current law clerks, who are far more clever than I, wish to add their thoughts to this question. The following is from them:

The Judge defies all labels, but we like these:

The “Sugar Mamma” Judge: The most difficult times in chambers are when we have to decide who gets the Judge’s tickets to a swanky tequila-tasting event and who will take her extra orchestra section theater tickets.

The “Coach” Judge: She gives us the play and trusts us to do the job well, but never shrinks from making the hard calls.

The “Party Animal” Judge: Taking us out for a “nightcap” during travel week.

The “Olive Garden” Judge: When you’re here, you’re family.

12. Clerks of yours have interviewed for, and obtained, coveted positions as Supreme Court clerks. The ranks of Supreme Court feeder judges are overwhelmingly male, even more male-dominated than the rest of the federal judiciary as a whole; you are one of the few women who has joined this elite club. How important is it for you to feed your clerks to the Court, and what efforts do you undertake toward this end?

I want my clerks to be successful in life, and if they want to clerk on the Court, I’ll do what I can to help them.

13. Judge Wardlaw, sometimes you seem almost too good to be true. As stated by one UTR reader, who nominated you as "#1 Gay Icon of the Federal Judiciary," you are "very smart, absolutely gorgeous, filthy rich, and super-stylish." Do you have any funny and/or embarrassing stories, either from your time as a practicing lawyer or your time on the bench, that show you are an ordinary and fallible human being, not some perfect "Stepford Judge"?

My stories of fallibility are numerous, but since I’ve managed to repair the damage before anyone found out (most of the time), I’d rather not share. But here are a few that I can share: There was the time during my first year on the district court that a trial ended and we took the kids on an impromptu vacation for a week in San Diego, only to receive a call from my son’s second grade teacher asking whether he would be joining them at school that year, as he had missed the first two days. We scrambled back the next morning, made it to Target by 8:00 a.m. for uniforms (the only place that was open at that hour), and got him to school by 8:10.

Also, I once broke my ankle because I foolishly thought I could do a step-class with weights and keep up with the Cal-Tech undergraduates. I haven’t been back to that class.

Finally, after finishing an en banc week in San Francisco, I jumped into a waiting car to get to the airport on time. It turned out Judge Fisher had ordered a car from the same service I had. My secretary had cancelled mine without telling me, because she thought Judge Fisher and I could share one car. I hope Judge Fisher made it to the airport, and that he is not still mad.

14. When you emerge from underneath your robe, departing chambers for the world outside, what do you like to do for fun?

I love to travel, spend time with my husband, children, and friends, go to concerts, theater (especially Broadway musicals), and dance performances, attend sporting events, watch movies, read non-legal books and magazines, go antiquing, and relax at the beach.

Judge and Mr. Kim McLane Wardlaw attending the UCLA Law School Awards Luncheon on October 21, 2004, where Judge Wardlaw recieved the law school's Public and Community Service Award. Judge Wardlaw has also received numerous honors from UTR, including #2 Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary, #1 Gay Icon of the Federal Judiciary, and "In" Judicial Diva.

15. The Los Angeles Times offered this amusing account of how you and Mr. Wardlaw "met cute" during a law firm interview, which sounds like it came straight out of a Hollywood romantic comedy:

Bill met Kim in 1978, when he was recruiting for O'Melveny. They both recall that the interview strayed into an argument over the relative merits of UCLA and Notre Dame basketball, and specifically about the play of Kelly Tripucka, the Irish's All-American shooter. Kim was a UCLA fan and Tripucka-hater. Bill thought Notre Dame could do no wrong.

What sports do you follow these days, which teams do you root for, and do you and your husband still disagree over college basketball?

We follow basketball, football, baseball, the U.S. Women’s soccer team, and tennis. Favorite teams are the Lakers (up to now; the jury is out on the team this year), Dodgers, Notre Dame, UCLA and any team on which our kids play. We still disagree about Notre Dame/UCLA basketball, but hope to see them play against each other early next year in South Bend. We both love Notre Dame and UCLA football (they will play each other in 2006). He roots for the Giants; I’m a Dodger fan. He rooted for the Yankees and then for St. Louis; I rooted for the Red Sox (against the Yankees, and then against St. Louis).

16. As one can glean from What Judges Want: Federal Judicial Wish Lists, UTR readers have a keen interest in federal judicial taste in arts and entertainment. Please tell us a little bit about some of your favorite movies and/or plays and/or books, and why they are your favorites.

I enjoy movies, theater, and books immensely. My interest in movies tends toward the classics. One of my favorite books/movies of all times is To Kill a Mockingbird, for reasons probably obvious to your readership. Also among my favorites are Breakfast at Tiffany’s, All About Eve (and its Broadway Musical version Applause), Gone with the Wind (book and movie), Casablanca, Singin' in the Rain, everything in which Katharine Hepburn, Audrey Hepburn, Jimmy Stewart, or Marlon Brando starred, and all movie musicals. My recent movie favorites include Friday Night Lights, The Manchurian Candidate (both the classic and the new versions), and De-Lovely.

As to theater, I never miss the Tony Awards (on TV of course) and get to Broadway as often as I can. My “recent” favorites include Rent, Aida, Showboat, A Little Night Music, and Mamma Mia. (That’s how frequently I’m getting there these days!) But, here again, I love the oldies and especially any Sondheim music. My husband's and my favorite song is Send in the Clowns. If you haven’t seen the musical, you may not know that it is a song with a happy ending, because most popular renditions omit the reprise from the second act. I highly recommend the PBS special on the history of Broadway musical theater, which aired last week three nights in a row, and was reviewed in the New York Times. As for dance, I prefer the Joffrey to NYC, but attend either when I can.

I read as my work allows--mysteries, biographies, legal thrillers. I am currently reading Bill Clinton’s autobiography, the 9/11 Report, Friday Night Lights and Dawn’s Early Light, a book of poems given to us on our 20th wedding anniversary, written by a former Supreme Court law clerk, Pierce O’Donnell, as an ode to his wife.

17. As a federal judge, you are a paragon of respectability, with presumably rather highbrow tastes. Do you have any guilty pleasures--things that that you're not supposed to like, according to conventional wisdom, but nevertheless do? Some examples: Spam (the food, not junk e-mail); Desperate Housewives (the TV show, not the people); and Barry Manilow.

Besides Lay’s potato chips and chocolate chip cookies, my guilty culinary pleasures include In-N-Out Burgers, Baskin-Robbins chocolate mint ice-cream, and Dodger dogs. I am also the most ardent (to put it nicely) fan at my daughter’s soccer and son’s basketball games. (Yes, I’ve been known to argue with the refs.) My biggest guilty pleasure is slipping away from home and job responsibilities for a week to go to my favorite, women’s only, destination health spa.

18. If you had to be stranded on a desert island with four--and only four--of your Ninth Circuit colleagues, whom would you want on the island, and why?

If I were stranded today on a desert isle, I would choose Alex Kozinski (who else could replace all the entertainment I would be missing?, and besides, he is the Numero Uno Male Judicial Hottie); Barry Silverman (because he is witty, clever, and extremely funny); John Noonan (because he is a scholar and a gentleman); and Pam Rymer (with whom I could discuss our favorite sports teams, and who could use her oodles of sense and athletic prowess to figure out how to quickly get us off the isle). Although my choices have nothing to do with judicial philosophy, they have the fortuitous consequence of leaving most of the Democrat appointees to hold down the fort at the Court.

"So this is the tale of our castaways, they're here for a long, long time..."

Pictured at left, from left to right, are Judge Kozinski, Judge Noonan, Judge Silverman, and Judge Rymer--Judge Wardlaw's companions of choice on the desert isle.

Imagine this headline: "Ninth Circuit Judges Banished to Desert Island." It sounds like a Republican dream come true, right? But wait--most of these judges are CONSERVATIVE! Article III Groupie suspects a nefarious plot by the Emperor Palpatine and Darth Ber..., um, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (shown at right, posing in triumph)...

19. Who is your favorite non-judicial celebrity, and why? On a related note, if you could pick any actress to portray you in a major motion picture (or made-for-TV movie) based on your life, whom would you pick?

I’ve been wanting to meet Paul McCartney since the Beatles arrived in the United States 40 years ago.

If the movie is to be based on my entire life, I would like Kirsten Dunst to play me; if the time is the present, I would like Annette Bening to consider the part.

20. Your nomination to the Central District of California came after the offices of Senatrix Dianne Feinstein and Senatrix Barbara Boxer were deluged with more fan mail than the members of 'N Sync received at the height of their popularity. Your nomination to the Ninth Circuit sailed through the Senate like a sharpened knife through warm butter, during a period when the nominations of other Ninth Circuit judges--such as Judge Richard A. Paez and She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named--languished for months and even years. Clearly you are an authority on "working it," all the way to the federal bench.

What advice would you give to A3G and her fellow aspirants to federal judicial diva-dom on the topic of how to become an Article III goddess?

The only advice I have is to prepare for the moment when the stars might align to designate you the fortunate one among all the other highly qualified persons who are willing and available. That means hard work, success in some area of the law, keeping your options open, and being ready to accept the opportunity when it arises.

********************

WOW! Article III Groupie may be a bit biased, but wasn't that a delightful interview? A3G thoroughly enjoyed her time in cyberspace with Judge Wardlaw, and she thanks Judge Wardlaw for her gracious participation in "Questions Presented."

A3G is now looking for a judge to be interviewed for the second installment of QP. To all of you federal judges out there who are considering being interviewed, A3G offers her interview with Judge Wardlaw as evidence that a QP interview is (1) lighthearted, funny, and fun; (2) a great way to raise your profile among prospective clerkship applicants, namely, UTR's large law student readership; and (3) so far removed from substantive legal issues that you don't need to worry about saying anything that would call your impartiality into question (or otherwise implicate judicial ethics rules). If you're at all interested, please e-mail A3G; if you have specific questions or concerns, she is happy to address them.

Kissing the hem of Judge Wardlaw's designer robe,

Article III Groupie

UTR Cribs: Judge Dlott's Federal Judicial Mega-Mansion!

Welcome to the first of what will hopefully be many installments of UTR Cribs: Inside the Homes of Federal Judges. UTR Cribs was described back in this post as follows: "Inspired by MTV Cribs, UTR goes inside the halls of justice, with this exclusive report about the luxurious residences of the most well-heeled federal jurists." In a nutshell, think of UTR Cribs as "Lifestyles of the Rich and Federal." To paraphrase the description of MTV Cribs on the show's website, UTR Cribs is "the most exciting way to peep into your favorite [federal judicial] celebrities' homes, without getting slapped with a restraining order!"

As one can gather from the recurring hubbub over the need for federal judicial pay increases--which Chief Justice Rehnquist describes, perhaps hyperbolically, as "the most pressing issue facing the federal judiciary today"--the wealth enjoyed by many federal judges does not come from their salaries. With circuit judges earning only $167,600 a year, and district judges earning only $158,100 a year (see this table), federal judges make less than many first-year law firm associates. Federal judges certainly earn less than members of the Elect, who can rake in over $300,000 in their first year after leaving One First Street.

Although their salaries may be relatively modest, many federal judges are extremely wealthy. The sources of judicial affluence are varied, but common ones are lucrative pre-robescent employment, marrying into money, and inheritance or family wealth. As shown in this report by the Alliance for Justice, the average net worth for an appellate court judicial nominee from President Bush's first year in office was a healthy $1.63 million. The average net worth of one of President Clinton's 2000 nominees was even higher: $2 million. As Diddy, P., might say, "Being a federal judge? It's all about the BENCH-amins, baby!" Puff Daddy, It's All About the Benjamins, on All About the Benjamins (New Line Records 2002); see also Jennifer Lopez, Jenny from the Block, on This Is Me... Then (Sony Records 2002) ("Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got.") (Lo, J., protesting too much methinks).

(For example, consider the nine members of the Supreme Court. Despite salaries that are perfectly pleasant, but far from princely--Chief Justice Rehnquist earns $203,000, and each associate justice earns $194,300--the Supremes are pretty much rolling in it. As noted in UTR's irreverent review of their financial disclosure forms, Who wants to be a millionaire--AND a Supreme Court justice?, a majority of the justices are millionaires, some of them several times over.)

So yes, many federal judges have lots of cash stashed under their robes--cash they frequently drop on large and lavish lairs. In the weeks ahead, UTR Cribs will spirit you away to some of our nation's most exclusive residential enclaves, popping into federal judicial mansions around the country. Future destinations of UTR Cribs include Manhattan's super-patrician Upper East Side; sun-drenched Palm Beach, Florida; and some of Los Angeles's toniest suburbs, including Ranchos Palos Verdes and the Oak Grove neighborhood of San Marino.

Today, however, with the election moving into high gear, UTR Cribs follows the candidates to the battleground state of Ohio. The Buckeye State is home to Judge Susan J. Dlott, of the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Ohio. Judge Dlott is married to Stanley M. Chesley, the prominent, hugely successful plaintiffs' lawyer.

Stan Chesley and Judge Dlott recently bought a new house. And this, dear readers, is no ordinary house. Holy mansion, Batman!

This article in the Cincinnati Enquirer offers the following juicy details:

Real estate agents had said it would take someone with extravagant taste to buy this house. Enter prominent class-action lawyer Stan Chesley.

Chesley has purchased what is believed to be the most expensive single-family home listed in Greater Cincinnati, possibly ever.

The elegant French chateau... in Indian Hill, which has six bedrooms, seven full bathrooms, custom chandeliers and a wine cellar, carried an asking price of $11.9 million when it first went on the market last October.

That's the biggest price ever listed on the Multiple Listing Service of Greater Cincinnati, which has been around for about 60 years. . . . .

The home includes two four-car garages with apartments on top and 27,000 square feet of living space. It sits on 5.3 acres nestled into 300 acres of private green space.

There's also a game room, exercise room, a theater/media room, separate two-bedroom carriage house for live-in parents or hired help and an outdoor kitchen for entertaining friends and family. The indoor kitchen has hidden appliances.

Chesley is married to Susan Dlott, who was appointed a U.S. District Court judge by President Clinton in 1995.

The home even has its own Web site. [A3G's note: It appears that the site has been taken offline. But you can get more details about the house in this realtor's listing. Additional realty listings for the property, featuring the dimensions of specific rooms, have also been taken offline--but you can access cached versions of them here and here.]

WOW! With almost 30,000 square feet, Judge Dlott's federal judicial mega-mansion is larger than certain small federal courthouses in less populous judicial districts.

The reader who submitted this delicious tip to A3G offered additional information about Judge Dlott and her high-flying hubby:

[U]ber-plaintiff's lawyer Stan Chesley's wife is left-wing judicial diva Susan Dlott, of the Southern District of Ohio. Not as glamorous as a circuit judge, but at least not an icky state court jurist! Judge Dlott was appointed the bench by President Clinton following a number of major donations to Clinton and the Democrats by her husband. Of course, those two things are surely unrelated....

In a subsequent message, UTR's loyal correspondent added:

More on Judge Dlott.... And, it's not that I have a vendetta against her or anything (reportedly, they are lovely people, and I have yet to have the opportunity to appear in her courtroom). But I do think this additional information may qualify her as a Judicial Diva, even aside from the 27,000 square foot home! Therefore, I feel compelled to apprise you of this situation, even though she is but a meager district court judge here in S.D. Ohio. However, I'm sure you'll agree with me that it takes grit and determination to be a Judicial Diva as a district court judge! (What with that appeal-as-of-right business and all.) So, here goes...

This op-ed about Judge Dlott in the Cincinnati Enquirer of April 30, 2003, entitled "Judge Has Stepped in It Now," begins as follows: "A federal judge who lets her dogs dump on the floor of our U.S. Courthouse and once had them sworn in as federal marshals might have a problem getting much respect from real law enforcement officers."

And here's another article, from the Cincinnati Enquirer of February 7, 2004, in which Judge Dlott's potential recusal in a white collar bank fraud case is discussed by the criminal defendant... and caught on tape by the FBI! The defendant in question liked his chances with Judge Dlott, what with her being "sympathetic to white collar criminals," as well as being "one of the best friends" of said defendant's own attorney.

With press like this, I too would want to repair every evening to a massive French chateau--perhaps to spend a long evening in the well-stocked wine cellar!

Oh, I forgot to also mention that Judge Dlott's husband represented the victims of the bank fraud case in a civil suit in state court, and garnered a $16.8 million settlement for them. Not that this would be a conflict or anything, because he wasn't appearing in HER court, you see.

Article III Groupie agrees with her correspondent: the mini-scandals discussed in the articles cited above leave the unmistakable odor of canine fecal matter in the air. But she also believes that, the bad press coverage notwithstanding, Judge Dlott and her hubby have a pretty good gig going. They enjoy the best of both worlds: the money of a successful plaintiffs' lawyer, and the power of a federal judge!

Thus, despite her deeply troubling left-wing politics, the Honorable Susan J. Dlott is an inspiration to Article III Groupie. A3G describes herself as "an aspiring federal judicial diva with a real estate fetish." Judge Dlott demonstrates to A3G that, if she plays her cards right, she too can score herself a lifetime appointment exercising the judicial power of the United States--and a phat crib!

May your champagne wishes and caviar dreams come true,

Article III Groupie

"In Defense of Superhotties": A3G Bench-Slaps Her Detractors

As noted in this piece, blogging--while certainly trendy and increasingly influential--isn't exactly a path to big bucks. It is perhaps most profitably used as a springboard into writing for "real publications."

Well, Article III Groupie now joins the ranks of bloggers who have broken through to the rarefied world of print journalism. The October 2004 issue of the California Lawyer--an extremely informative and often entertaining magazine, which A3G recommends to you most highly--contains A3G's apologia for UTR, In Defense of Superhotties. In the article, A3G bench-slaps her detractors, vigorously defending her blog against three common criticisms: (1) that it's disrespectful of the federal judiciary, (2) that it's violative of judges' privacy, and (3) that federal judges are undeserving of celebrity treatment.

For those of you disinclined to read the complete piece, here are the closing paragraphs, which nicely sum up UTR's guiding philosophy:

Federal judges may not be traditional celebrities, but just as pastels are the new black, prestige is the new fame. Within the credential-obsessed upper echelons of the legal profession, prestige - here defined as limited fame or renown, for the "right" reasons, such as intelligence and good judgment - is the highest good. And federal judges enjoy oodles of prestige.

Investment bankers are rich; movie stars are famous. Lawyers pride themselves on belonging to a learned profession. And in this learned profession, who is more deserving of attention and adulation than the elite corps of federal judges, handpicked for their posts based on learning and professional achievement?

Move over, J. Lo. Federal judges are in the house!

Article III Groupie hopes you enjoy her article. And to those of you out there who work for legal news publications, please think about A3G the next time you're looking for a contributor with a distinctive voice and a strong authorial personality.

Brimming over with pride of authorship,

Article III Groupie

"Sister, Can You Spare a Dime?": Will Judge Maryanne Trump Barry Bail Out The Donald?

It goes without saying that billionaire real estate developer Donald J. Trump, a.k.a. "The Donald", is a major celebrity. As the star of the reality TV show The Apprentice, The Donald is mobbed wherever he goes, by people who rush up to him and say, "You're fired!" And in the outside world, Judge Maryanne Trump Barry of the Third Circuit enjoys derivative fame as his older sister.

But in the world of "Underneath Their Robes," federal judges are the celebrities. In this microcosm, Judge Barry is the superstar -- and The Donald's claim to fame is that he's Judge Barry's little brother!

As one might expect given her blood relation to The Donald, Judge Barry is quite the Judicial Diva, as previously noted in this post. A former prosecutrix, Judge Barry is a smart and sassy lady known for ladling out the judicial sauce, both at oral argument and in published opinions like this one (which a UTR reader described to A3G as "a rare example of circuit-to-prosecutor bench-slappery").

Well, it appears that Judge Barry's high-flying younger sibling has run into financial difficulties. As noted by the New York Times in this article, The Donald's casino company, Trump Hotels and Casino Resorts, is heading into bankruptcy reorganization. In order to maintain his sizable equity stake in the company, The Donald must ante up $55 million. But whether Trump has this kind of cash on hand, given the fact that most of his fortune is tied up in illiquid real estate, is doubtful. A Lehman Brothers analyst quoted in the Times piece believes that The Donald does not have the money and will have to borrow it. With interest rates on the rise, and with his empire already leveraged to the hilt, borrowing $55 million at junk bond rates must be less than appealing for Trump.

The Donald may be suffering a liquidity crisis, but his sister Judge Barry has no such problems. Indeed, Judge Barry is one of the richest members of the federal judiciary. Her late father, Fred Trump, was a highly successful real estate developer. When Fred Trump passed away in 1999, Judge Barry, one of his four surviving children, inherited a significant portion of his $250 million estate. (So did The Donald, but it appears that he has already burned through his share of the inheritance, which he used as fuel for his own real estate empire.) As a result, according to one UTR reader, Judge Barry enjoys a net worth in excess of $80 million -- a relatively unencumbered $80 million, because Judge Barry is not saddled with the levels of debt that her richer but perhaps less liquid sibling has incurred. This correspondent adds that despite her wealth, "Judge Barry is regularly spotted dining with her clerks in the utterly squalid cafeteria of the Rodino Federal Building here in lovely Newark, New Jersey."

Hmm... An $80 million fortune, and a taste for cheap eats at the federal cafeteria? It sounds to A3G like this Judicial Diva has ducats to spare! Perhaps Judge Barry can "ride circuit" to The Donald's rescue?

This proposal is not as far-fetched as it sounds. Members of the Trump family are very good about being there for each other out during times of crisis. For example, as Judge Barry recounts in this brief but charming interview of the Trump siblings by New York magazine, after Judge Barry had surgery, the extremely busy Donald visited her in the hospital every single day. And this family solidarity extends to financial matters. Back in 1990, Fred Trump strolled into one of The Donald's casinos and bought a small fortune in chips, to give his son's casino business a desperately needed cash infusion. So picture the following scene:

It's a Saturday night at the Trump Taj Mahal in Atlantic City. Business is slow, in part due to the arrival on the scene of The Borgata, the Las Vegas-style hotel and casino resort that has taken away a lot of the Taj Mahal's premium business.

Suddenly, a figure in a black robe sweeps through the casino's main entrance, trailed by four fresh-faced youths. Heads turn to follow the tall, striking blonde as she strides across the casino floor, her young acolytes in tow. By now, the news has spread over the entire floor: the robed woman is none other than the Honorable Maryanne Trump Barry, the prominent federal appeals court judge and near-centimillionaire, who happens to be The Donald's older sister.

Mere mortals trip over themselves as they scramble out of Judge Barry's path. Judge Barry approaches the cashier's window, her black robe billowing out behind her in the casino's strong air conditioning. When she arrives at the window, Judge Barry reaches underneath her robe, then whips out a certified check for $5 million.

"Five million dollars in chips for me and my law clerks, please," says Judge Barry.

"Right away, Your Honor. Five million in chips, so ordered!"

Although this scenario may seem a bit ridiculous, the idea of The Donald borrowing from his well-heeled family members, perhaps on an interest-free basis, is not a bad one. So UTR has some friendly advice for The Donald: Call up Judge Barry and ask, "Sister, can you spare a dime -- or maybe $55 million?"

Ready to be on The Apprentice for giving The Donald such brilliant business advice,

Article III Groupie

Big Swinging Gavels: The Male Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary!

Article III Groupie is an old-fashioned gal, which may explain her "ladies first" approach to announcing the results of the Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest. But her decision to announce the men after the women could also be chalked up to another adage: "Save the best for last!" A3G finds the male Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary absolutely irresistible!

Before the announcement, please permit A3G a brief digression. As Wonkette points out here, The Hill has just released its list of the 50 Most Beautiful People on Capitol Hill. There is no bigger fan of the federal judicial hotties than A3G, but even she may have to admit that these legislative lovelies have the edge over their counterparts in the judiciary. Compare these people with these people. If electoral politics is "show business for ugly people," as Jay Leno once quipped, what does that make the federal judiciary? (That was a rhetorical question; please don't answer it...)

And now, the results. Voting for the male nominees was even more top-heavy than the voting for the female candidates. The top five nominees received almost 95 percent of the votes, and the winner in the male superhottie category received a whopping 61.5 percent of all ballots cast. (Who might that be? Consider this prediction by Denise Howell.)

5. The Hot. John G. Roberts, Jr. (D.C. Cir.)

The "dashing" Judge Roberts -- described in his nomination blurb as "the JFK Jr. of the federal bench," with "youthful," "all-American good looks" -- takes fifth place, with 6.3 percent of the vote. Although certainly commendable, this fifth-place finish may mark the first time in his life that Judge Roberts, whose résumé is perfection itself, hasn't taken home the grand prize. Well, he can console himself with his seat on the D.C. Circuit...

4. The Hot. David H. Souter (U.S. Supreme Court)

As you may recall, Justice Souter was the subject of some minor controversy in these pages. It looks like Groupie, J., has been outvoted, as Justice Souter takes fourth place, with a healthy 8.4 percent of the vote. Voters were quite enthusiastic about the Yankee justice, praising him for "transcending the stereotype of the weirdo who lives with his mom, and surprising most of us." (A3G did not know, for example, that Justice Souter enjoys drinking good port, as well as climbing mountains -- presumably not at the same time, of course.) As one incredulous UTR reader asked A3G: "DHS not your type? The man has it all -- charm, intellect, athleticism, and a dry wit. Not to mention the most assets of all the Supremes, right? A number of elderly female members of the Supreme Court Historical Society would beg to differ with you!"

3. The Hot. Jeffrey S. Sutton (6th Cir.)

"Is there really any doubt here?" asked one supporter of Judge Sutton. "I think not. Judge Sutton gets my vote!" Other voters share this view, as Judge Sutton, with 9.1 percent of the vote, ascends to the lofty post of #3 Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary (male). UTR readers praised the "very cute" Judge Sutton for his "classic good looks." Considering how heated oral arguments can get in the shark tank known as the Sixth Circuit (see, e.g., this article), advocates can take comfort from the presence on the bench of Judge Sutton, "a sweet piece of Article III eye candy."

2. The Hot. Robert A. Katzmann (2d Cir.)

Carried by a wave of eleventh-hour support, "The Rock" (RAK) narrowly edges out Judge Sutton to become the #2 Superhottie, with 9.8 percent of the vote. Apparently UTR voters were favorably impressed by his squiring the blindingly beautiful Natascha McElhone about town. (Imagine how well Judge Katzmann could have done if his picture had been posted! Hey, there's always next year's contest to look forward to...)

1. The Hot. Alex Kozinski (9th Cir.)

Article III Groupie proudly proclaims Judge Alex Kozinski as the #1 male Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary! Judge Kozinski's aggressive campaigning paid off tremendously, resulting in his winning 61.5 percent of the vote, in a California mudslide of epic, Roland Emmerich proportions. Some voters tried to vote for AK using five different email addresses, and others tried to vote for him in both the male and female categories. (In light of the hair on that judicial chest -- see paintball picture below -- Article III Groupie rejected votes cast for Judge Kozinski in the "superhottie female" category.)

It's getting late, and A3G -- a moniker bestowed upon her by the #1 Superhottie, in fact -- is getting tired. So A3G will let her readers do her work for her and simply quote their many excellent comments about Judge Kozinski below, with minimal editing.

"Please put me down for Judge Kozinski -- he's the bomb!"

"Alex Kozinski. His lovely Romanian accent, which he hasn't been able to shake despite a virtual lifetime in America, gets me every time. Chalk one up to AK-47."

"Kozinski: Because he's a hot middle-aged pudgy man."

"I've known Judge Kozinski for more years than he or I would want to mention. He's only gotten hotter and hotter as the years go by. So he has my vote for 'Hottie.'"

"Kozinski: How could the blond hottie on his arm in the picture [click here, see male contestant #5] be wrong?"

********************

And now, a quick aside concerning the aforementioned hottie. Article III Groupie is flattered by the reader who wrote to her, "By the way, the 'Naomi Watts wanna-be' in your pic of Koz looks exactly like I pictured you looking! Yummy. In fact, I'm suspicious..." Or, as another reader asked her: "Don't think that the suspicious similarity between the 'unidentified blonde hottie' in the AK photo and the sketch of A3G in the 'about me' section has passed unnoticed. Fess up; are you really AK's girlfriend?"

Unfortunately, no -- A3G cannot claim that honor. As it turns out, the stunning blonde is a woman by the name of Katie Haun, the Kozinski co-clerk of the Engels, who has just joined the ranks of the Elect. (Please, do not deluge One First Street with flowers; they'll never make it past security.) Brains, beauty... Some gals have all the luck! (And some gals have all the pain...)

********************

"I spoke to Stevie Wonder and (before his death) Ray Charles, and they both said vote for Kozinski. How I can disagree?" (For other endorsements of Judge Kozinski by recently deceased celebrities, see the picture at right; click on the thumbnail for a (very enlarged) view if you can't see it well.)

"Look, on the men's side, there's no contest here. After all, the contest is for the 'hottest' judge, right? Alex Kozinski (aka AK-47, AK, Hotpants, the Romanian Love Machine) wins hottest, hands-down. You can keep your clean-cut Jeff Suttons. He might be the kind of judge you want to bring home to mom, but 'hot' he ain't."

Judge Kozinski "makes the ladies swoon. Count this as three votes for him really. Cuz he's just that hot."

"It's a toss-up between the classic good looks of Jeff Sutton and the sexy intellect and impish smile of Alex Kozinski. OK, if I have to only pick one, I'll go with Alex; he wants it more, anyway."

"I vote for that hot piece of ass Alex Kozinski!" (This comment was received, disturbingly enough, from Judge Kozinski's son, Wyatt Kozinski. Yes, UTR has a strict policy of keeping its sources anonymous -- but there is an exception when the welfare of children is at stake.)

"I vote for Judge Kozinski, 'cause I think he's totally a hottie. Well, that, and he's my dad." (Pursuant to the same exception, UTR discloses that this comment came from Wyatt's older brother, Yale.)

At the risk of sounding biased, Article III Groupie would like to conclude by offering a few words about Judge Kozinski on her own behalf. First, she would like to point out his wide-ranging talents, which include writing brilliant opinions, raising chickens (see picture at left), and acting. Yes, acting! Having watched the short film Inside Story, a movie discussed in more detail here, A3G can say with confidence that AK's star turn as a law firm partner is not to be missed.

Finally, she would like to express her thanks to Judge Kozinski for his unwavering support of "Underneath Their Robes." Judge Kozinski understands what UTR is all about, as these remarks of his in the Daily Journal article make clear: "People need to poke fun at the federal judiciary. We have foibles. We should not be painted like we walk on water... [UTR] is humorous, light and wasn't mean. I thought it deserved some encouragement."

A good sense of humor, a humble recognition of one's own imperfections, and a generous spirit. What more can one ask for in a Superhottie? As one of UTR's readers nicely put it, in casting a vote for Judge Kozinski: "Superhottie is as superhottie does!"

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So there they are: the three women and the three men who rise to the level of Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary! UTR thanks all of its readers who submitted nominations and votes. Without you, of course, this competition would not be possible.

My goodness! A3G is just plum tuckered out from the effort she has expended on the Superhotties contest! (In addition, she has a deposition outline to prepare -- yikes!) And so UTR may be taking a little bit of a vacation. Of course, while she is gone, please feel free to email Article III Groupie with news and gossip about federal judges; it may just take her a while to respond.

Keep your feet on the ground, and keep reaching for the federal judicial superstars!

--Article III Groupie

Bodacious Babes of the Bench: The Female Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary!

"All rise! The female Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary are in the house! All persons having business before these bodacious babes of the bench are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the hotties are now sitting -- and the benches are now sizzling! Michael Newdow save the United States and this Honorable Court!"

After counting and recounting hundreds of votes, and with apologies for the delay, Article III Groupie proudly presents the female Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary! The twelve impressive women who were nominated as judicial hotties have been winnowed down to five champions, whom UTR crowns today as the female winners of the first annual SFJ competition. (Update: The prevailing males are available here.)

Before proceeding to the results, A3G has a few preliminary comments to offer. Voters were generally quite impressed with the great beauties that the federal bench has to offer. In fact, several UTR readers were downright surprised by the number of federal judicial hotties. But satisfaction with the slate of nominees was not universal. Some commentators felt that certain constituencies were slighted or overlooked, such as tax judges and North Carolina jurists. And some observers simply did not find the nominees all that hot (see, e.g., this post from the Legal Underground).

As a theoretical matter, one can certainly imagine hotter judges. For example, Judge Elena Lala of Romania is so hot that one of her admirers brings one lawsuit after another just so he can make it into her courtroom -- presumably in the hopes of someday getting underneath her robe. As for as A3G knows, none of the nominated federal judicial hotties have inspired such devotion from litigious lovebirds.

As a practical matter, however, it must be remembered that federal judges are not appointed based on their hotness, at least not exclusively (not even by President Clinton). Cf. Fili-BUSTED ("Obviously attractiveness cannot be the most important quality of the Judicial Diva.... After all, we're talking about Judicial Divas."). And with respect to the female hotties, one must also keep in mind the demographics of the federal bench, which is 80 percent male, and also, due to the record of professional achievement generally required for nomination, on the older side. Viewed in this light, the fact that UTR was able to come up with twelve female nominees, as well as eight supplemental female hotties, is by itself impressive.

Let us now turn our attention to the election returns. Voting for the female superhotties was definitely skewed towards the top, with the five biggest vote-getters receiving over 80 percent of the vote. Latina judges did very well, with Hispanic hotties taking three out of the top five spots. California judges also made a strong showing, taking four out of five places -- perhaps voter turnout was higher on the West Coast. (One has to wonder: Consistent with stereotypes, do West Coast lawyers care more about appearance than their East Coast counterparts?)

Listed below are the top five vote-getters among hot female judges, who now have the right to call themselves Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary. Furthermore, as first reported here by the ABA Journal, the Superhotties will be receiving official UTR T-shirts that will read: "Take Judicial Notice: I'm a Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary!" (A3G will be in touch with the winners to find out their desired T-shirt size.)

And the winners are:

5. The Hot. Irma E. Gonzalez (S.D. Cal.)

Judge Gonzalez, who received 7.0 percent of the vote, takes fifth place, receiving an honorable mention. Voters who have been lucky enough to see Judge Gonzalez face to face have nothing but praise for her attractiveness. In the words of one voter, "Having seen her in person, I must vote for Irma Gonzalez!"

Judge Gonzalez is also a favorite of UTR. In a piece about the SFJ contest that appeared in the July 16, 2004 edition of the Daily Journal (alas, subscription required), Judge Gonzalez had the following to say about the competition and her nomination:

I've gotten e-mails from friends all over the country. It came as a big surprise. I think it's funny. And I'm in good company. All those women are very handsome and very talented. . . . I think it was in jest. And some very flattering things are being said. We all take our jobs seriously and sometimes they can be isolating. As long as people understand it is in jest.

Article III Groupie is pleased to see that at least some judges -- such as Judge Gonzalez, Judge Goodwin (who said he was "honored to be on such an illustrious list"), and of course Judge Kozinski -- are accepting the SFJ contest in the spirit of good-natured fun with which it was offered. After all, few things are more sexy than a good sense of humor!

4. The Hot. Nora M. Manella (C.D. Cal.)

Judge Manella comes in fourth among the female hotties, receiving 9.6 percent of the vote. "It's gotta be Judge Nora Manella," according to one voter. "No contest. I almost feel bad for the other nominees. Almost."

UTR may love Judge Manella -- but the feeling, unfortunately, is not mutual. In the Daily Journal piece, Judge Manella declared that the SFJ competition "makes me reconsider my support of the First Amendment." Ouch! Judge Manella then observed, "It puts me in mind of my grandmother's favorite aphorism, 'fools' names and fools' faces are often found in public places.'"

Well, only a fool would dispute Judge Manella's beauty! UTR extends its congratulations to this distinguished jurist, even if she may not exactly want them...

3. The Hot. Lourdes G. Baird (C.D. Cal.)

Taking third place among the female hotties, with 14.0 percent of the ballots cast, Judge Baird assumes her rightful spot as a Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary. As one UTR reader wrote, "Juecita Baird is the hottest judge of all!"

Judge Baird was the beneficiary of a last minute surge in her support, with a slew of votes arriving within hours of the voting deadline. (Perhaps a former clerk organized a get-out-the-vote campaign?) Regardless of how she came by her electoral success, Judge Baird is a worthy winner. When that black robe hits the floor, Judge Baird gets jiggy with it, metamorphosing into the Dancing Queen of the Central District! "After watching Judge Baird let her hair down at the Ninth Circuit Judicial Conference," raved one voter, "I can state with confidence that she dances better in her 60's than most do in their 20's!"

2. The Hot. Kim McLane Wardlaw (9th Cir.)

"Va-va-voom!" Is that the sound of Judge Wardlaw's Jaguar? Actually, no -- it was what a UTR reader wrote when enthusiastically casting his vote for Judge Wardlaw. Rounding out the trio of West Coast Latinas in the top five female hotties, Judge Wardlaw comes in as the #2 female superhottie, earning 16.7 percent of the vote. As another UTR voter stated, "Being faithful to my Ninth Circuit roots (though I've met Judge Wood and agree with your assessment), I must cast my vote for Judge Wardlaw. That was a fun clerkship interview! :-)"

If you ever find yourself with some time on your hands and seeking a little amusement, go to the Greedy Clerks message board and run a search for "Wardlaw." You'll come across posts claiming that Judge Wardlaw is something of a Judicial Diva, as pointed out here, and you'll find messages asserting that a clerkship with Judge Wardlaw can be a less than delightful experience (see, e.g., here and here). (A3G takes no position on the accuracy of these posts, which she urges her readers to take with the proverbial grain of salt.) But even if Judge Wardlaw can be hard on her clerks, there's no disputing that she's easy on the eyes!

1. The Hot. Kimba M. Wood (S.D.N.Y.)

And now, UTR proudly presents the #1 female Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary: Judge Kimba M. Wood! Judge Wood prevails with a whopping 35.1 percent of the vote, receiving over twice the number of votes as Judge Wardlaw, her nearest competitor. And so, even though California judges took fifth through second place on the female side -- an impressive showing for the West Coast -- it appears that East Coast voters rallied around Judge Wood as their candidate.

Voters sang Judge Wood's praises without reservation. A clerk for another judge at 40 Foley Square confirmed that she "is indeed a lovely and brilliant woman" (as UTR originally noted here). Another clerk, who was fortunate enough to interview with Judge Wood, stated that she is a "total superhottie. I could barely concentrate! Maybe that is why she rejected me." Even the pseudo-scandals concerning Judge Wood's relationship with Frank Richardson and her withdrawn nomination for Attorney General did not hurt her; one voter commended Judge Wood for seeming "very real."

This voter for Judge Wood summed it up quite nicely: "If Kimba Wood is not the winner, there is surely no justice in law. While all of the nominees are, I'll concede, hot, she has so much foxiness it hurts." Or consider this less eloquent but more pithy commentary: "Kimba Wood. Kimba Wood. Kimba Wood. Wow. She is hot."

It should be noted that Judge Wood, like her fellow female superhotties, possesses other important qualities besides beauty. Judge Wood impresses the lawyers who appear before her not just with her dazzling appearance, but with her mastery of the law and the facts. In her profile in the Almanac of the Federal Judiciary (again, subscription needed), lawyers praised her excellent courtroom demeanor, her thorough and extensive preparation, and her "first-rate intellect." (As one lawyer quipped, in praising Judge Wood's ability to see through specious arguments of counsel, "She doesn't need to eat the whole barrel to know it's not a pickle.")

Indeed, Judge Wood takes her work as a judge very seriously -- perhaps too seriously. As she opined in this interview, "Judges are not celebrities. They speak through their decisions."

Hmm -- methinks the hottie doth protest too much! It is ironic that Judge Wood, one of the few federal judges to appear in tabloid headlines and gossip columns, should fail to recognize federal judicial celebrity. Judge Wood is a brilliant woman, but Article III Groupie must submit a motion for reconsideration challenging her statement that judges are not celebrities. The premise of UTR, as one can glean from its mission statement, can be set forth as follows: "Federal judges are celebrities, of a sort, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There is no inconsistency between being (1) a highly intelligent, hardworking, conscientious federal judge, and (2) an absolutely fabulous judicial celebrity!"

If you harbor any doubt on this score, you need look no further than the judicial hotties discussed above. As Judge Wood herself demonstrates, brains and beauty sometimes are found in each other's company. As Judge Gonzalez demonstrates, faithfully discharging one's judicial duties and having a sense of humor are not mutually exclusive. And so, along with her congratulations (as well as the forthcoming T-shirts), Article III Groupie offers this message to the female superhotties: "Don't hide your beauty; celebrate it! Don't deny your celebrity; revel in it! Girl, you're a Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary!"

Taking her hat off to the hotties,

Article III Groupie

P.S. Stay tuned: the male superhotties are not far behind. (For a definition of anticlimax, click here.)