Underneath Their Robes

"Al and Tipper, Eat Your Hearts Out!"

As the old saying goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words." And this photograph is saying: "I'm very [insert the word "very" an additional 997 times] straight!"

It's worth noting that this pic appeared in the New York Times. Could the Timespeople be reacting to prior criticism from Ann Althouse, who speculated that they were trying to make Judge Roberts look gay?

A3G welcomes additional caption suggestions in the comments to this post. For the record, the official caption reads as follows: "The chief justice nominee, Judge John G. Roberts Jr., greeting his wife, Jane [Sullivan Roberts], after four days of public hearings Thursday before the Senate Judiciary Committee."

(Photo credit: Stephen Crowley/NYT. Crowley, who also took the fantastic photograph A3G just blogged about, did some great work at the Roberts hearings!)

A3G Blinded By Excessively Fabulous Photo!!!

This photo of seven glamorous legal celebrities, from yesterday's Roberts confirmation hearings, blinded Article Three Groupie with its sheer fabulousness. Here's the caption:

Judge John G. Roberts and his advisers Wednesday during a break in his confirmation hearings. From left, Judge Roberts; his wife, Jane; Mike O'Neill, the Judiciary Committee counsel; Rachel Brand, assistant attorney general [at the DOJ's Office of Legal Policy]; Ed Gillespie, a White House adviser; Kristi R. Macklin, deputy assistant attorney general; and William Kelley, deputy White House counsel. Stephen Crowley/The New York Times. [Update: As noted here, Ms. Macklin was originally misidentified in the caption as Dabney Friedrich, associate White House counsel.]

WOW -- simply sensational! Almost all of the pictured figures are Article III superstars who have previously graced the pages of this blog (and several of them are also profiled in this interesting Legal Times article).

Judge and Mrs. Roberts, of course, have received copious coverage in UTR. Rachel L. Brand (OT 2002/Kennedy) -- who led the "murder boards" for Judge Roberts, and who was (quite accurately) described by the New York Times as "a rising star in the administration's legal circles" -- is UTR's reigning Prom Queen. The brilliant William K. Kelley (OT 1988/Burger/Scalia) has been the subject of much rumor mongering in these pages as well; he should be considered an excellent possibility for the D.C. Circuit seat that will be vacated this fall by Judge Harry T. Edwards.

The super-high-powered Michael E. O'Neill (OT 1996/Thomas) has not been discussed in detail in this blog before, but now is the perfect time to pass along some tidbits that were previously submitted by a loyal reader:

Sentelle-tubbie Mike O'Neill (OT 1996/Thomas) is not the happiest of campers. Let's just say that he was no "token liberal" in the Thomas chambers, yet he is now chief counsel to the liberal Republican chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Arlen Specter. Word on the street is that he will see the job through [the] Supreme Court fight[s] this year, and possible reform of the U.S. Sentencing Guidelines (he's a former Sentencing Commissioner), but is otherwise hot to trot back to the GMU [George Mason University] campus, where he has tenure.

Quite interesting... This gossip about Michael O'Neill is confirmed in part by the Legal Times article: "[T]his Brigham Young University alum was hired [as Chief Counsel to the Judiciary Committee] in January because 'he assuages some of the [conservatives'] concerns about Specter.'"

Okay, let's try something new here at Underneath Their Robes: a caption contest! In the comments to this post, please share your suggested responses to this question: "What were they thinking?" (As always, A3G reserves the right to delete comments that are inappropriate, offensive, or just not to her liking.) A3G will kick things off with these examples (which should be taken in the spirit of good-natured jest with which they are offered):

John Roberts: "Since I'm not gay, I'm allowed to think: Kristi has some nice legs!"

Jane Sullivan Roberts: "So, Kristi, you think you can seduce my husband with those nice legs of yours? Well, think again! You might have worked on the Hill before -- but I clawed my way to a Biglaw partnership. And satellite procurement isn't tiddlywinks, my dear. I'll take you any day of the week!"

Rachel Brand: "Is this a bad angle for me -- do I not look good in profile? Why is John staring at Kristi like that?"

Kristi Macklin: "This one time, at band camp..."

William Kelley: "Do I have time for a bathroom break before we start up again?"

That Must Have Been One Helluva Question!

Via Wonkette, check out this cool photograph (by Kevin Lamarque for Reuters), from yesterday's Roberts confirmation hearing. Here's the caption:

Supreme Court Chief Justice nominee Judge John G. Roberts listens to a question from Senator Joe Biden (D-DE) during the second day of his confirmation hearing on Capitol Hill in Washington September 13, 2005. Roberts was pressed by senators for his views on the strength of established legal precedent with regard to the controversial issue of abortion rights and the landmark Roe vs. Wade abortion case. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque.

Judge Roberts has a "deer-caught-in-headlights" expression on his face, and he looks absolutely terrified. What question from the buffoonish Senator Biden could have prompted such panic on the part of the preternaturally cool and collected John Roberts? Wonkette offers this speculation (which finds support in evidence collected here).

Okay, fine -- A3G admits that the intensity of this picture is probably due to the fact that it's an extreme close-up shot. The moment captured in this photo, far from being a dramatic confrontation, was probably quite dry and boring. But isn't it more fun to pretend otherwise?

One other observation: Judge Roberts's lovely blue eyes seem a trifle bloodshot in this pic. Perhaps Judge Roberts, renowned for his meticulous preparation as a Supreme Court oral advocate, has been staying up very late over the past few weeks, preparing frantically for his hearings?

In Camera: Supreme Court Clerks At Play!

As she explained in the inaugural post of In Camera: Fabulous Photographs of Article III Stars!, Article III Groupie has a weakness for pretty pictures.* And what could be better than pretty pictures of pretty people, who also happen to be Supreme Court clerks?

Today, for your viewing pleasure, A3G presents two very special photographs of OT 2005 clerks at play. (Yes, the Elect work extremely hard to achieve their exalted status -- but they do take breaks every now and then.)

The first photo is of Lori A. Alvino, an incoming clerk to Justice Ginsburg, who was described by a UTR correspondent as "absolutely gorgeous." Regrettably, the picture of Lori that A3G used in her original post about the RBG clerks did not do Ms. Alvino justice. To get a better sense of Ms. Alvino's indisputable hotness, check out the photo below. Wow! (The caption was supplied by the UTR reader who submitted the photo.)

"Lori Alvino and her beau, Matthew D. McGill, a former 2d Cir. (McLaughlin) and D.C. Circuit clerk (Roberts), and also a former Bristow Fellow. Perhaps an early nomination for the prom king and queen, OT 2005?"

A3G concurs with this reader's assessment. To the female hotties of the OT 2005 clerk class -- including, but not limited to, Meaghan McLaine, Allie Orr, Ann O'Connell, and Ashley Johnson -- girls, you better bring it! (And Lori Alvino's significant other, Matthew McGill, is pretty hunky too. Check out his pic on the Gibson Dunn website, which shows his skill in pairing a patterned shirt with a patterned tie.)

It's quite fitting that this picture shows the well-traveled Lori Alvino in an exotic destination. As you can see from the comment appended to this post (scroll down the page), she did appear as a contestant on "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego," circa 1990. How cool is that?

Our second photograph is a real treat for those who appreciate fine specimens of manhood. It shows Judge Alex Kozinski -- who is, of course, the #1 Male Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary -- with his three current law clerks, all of whom will be clerking at the Court next Term, and all of whom have been previously profiled in these pages.

"Last week, my clerks and I were in Hawaii for a sitting. This picture was taken from a balcony overlooking Diamond Head and the Pacific. The clerks, left to right, are Randy, Sasha, and Scott. The picture location is the Sheraton Waikiki, where we were staying."

What a tropical treasure! If you like what you see, and want to learn more about Randy Kozel, Sasha Volokh, and Scott Martin, check out the UTR write-ups for the OT 2005 clerks of Justice Kennedy, Justice O'Connor, and Justice Scalia, respectively. (Click on the link for each justice's name to see their incoming clerk class.)**

* Article 3 Groupie enjoys occasional visits to different photoblogs, such as the excellent Entropy Hotel. Check out the "Favorites" section: this photo reminds her of Andreas Gursky's work, and this one reminds her that she'd rather be at the beach right now (instead of working on summary judgment papers). This photograph is just plain cool.

** Some Deadheads have declared A3G's "very unique obsession" with Supreme Court clerks to be "hilariously pitiful" (click here). Well, A3G finds their excessive fixation on the Grateful Dead to be more than a little weird. So there!

The Deadheads also mock A3G for dubbing some of the clerks "legal hotties." But A3G is not alone in this view. See, e.g., here ("Meaghan McLaine and Allison Orr are actually pretty cute!"), or here (noting that "ms. orr is HOTT" and "Alli Orr is a TOTAL ROCK STAR") (reader comments).

In Camera: Fabulous Photographs of Article III Stars!

Recently Article III Groupie received the following e-mail from a reader:

You tend to write about the same small group of judges over, and over, and over. How about casting your net a bit wider? There are so many judges about whom I'd like to learn. Mad props otherwise, Devoted Fan

Now, in A3G's defense, Devoted Fan's observation is not completely accurate. Several of the judges that A3G has written about this month--such as Judge Sotomayor, Judge Preska, Judge Dlott, and Judge Sprizzo--are new to the pages of this web log. In the wake of Grutter v. Bollinger, A3G grudgingly acknowledges diversity as a compelling state interest, and she does aim for a good mix of judges--from different courts, parts of the country, and personal backgrounds--in the pages of her blawg.

It cannot be denied, however, that there is some truth to this criticism. Article III Groupie has two responses. First, please don't forget how much A3G depends on her readers for information. The fact that she may write more about some judges and courts than others largely reflects that some UTR readers are much more diligent than others about writing her with tidbits. Second, not all federal judicial celebrities are created equal. Can A3G be faulted for spilling much ink over Article III boldface names like Judge Posner and Judge Kozinski, while neglecting district court judges in [insert obscure judicial district here]?

As noted in UTR's mission statement, Underneath Their Robes is like People or US Weekly, but for the federal judiciary. Would anyone ever write in to People or US Weekly to complain that they spend too much time on the likes of Julia and Jude, and not enough time on Wallace Shawn and Lupe Ontiveros? With all due respect to Mr. Shawn and Ms. Ontiveros, both of whom A3G deeply admires as actors, clearly the answer is no.

This train of thought got A3G thinking about why she enjoys pop culture and celebrity gossip rags like People, US Weekly, and In Touch. Sure, she does enjoy their insightful and well-written articles--just like many men read Playboy "for the articles."* But please, we're among friends, so let's dispense with pretense. What's the main attraction of such publications? It's the pictures, stupid! The celebrity photos that appear in such magazines tend to divide into a delicious dichotomy: dazzling or disastrous. Whether these pics show stars at their best or their worst, A3G loves them all.

On the subject of photographs, Article III Groupie recommends to her readers the remarkable 32-page portfolio by the great Richard Avedon that appears in the current issue of the New Yorker. Entitled "Democracy," the portfolio consists of Avedon's portraits of Americans, both famous and not-so-famous, in the weeks leading up to the election. Avedon passed away earlier this year, as did two other great photographers, Henri Cartier-Bresson and Helmut Newton (who took this awesome photograph of Judge Kozinski). The elegant, beautiful, soulful photographs taken by these masters of the medium differ greatly from the guilty pleasures of supermarket tabloid celebrity pics, but A3G loves them just as much.

And so, with the delights of both high and low photography in mind, A3G announces the newest feature of Underneath Their Robes: In Camera: Fabulous Photographs of Article III Stars! "In Camera" will offer UTR readers exclusive pictures, both artistic and trashy, of the federal judges that we all admire and adore.

Now, where will Article III Groupie get these photographs? In an ideal world, she would take them herself. She would just love to conduct a shoot with photogenic judicial celebrities like the highly respected Judge David M. Ebel (10th Cir.), who is a member of the Elect (he clerked for Justice White); the brilliant and larger-than-life Judge Edward R. Becker (3d Cir.), one of Article III's most colorful characters, who enjoys spirited legal discussion with his clerks over Chinese food; or Kerry Supreme Court short-lister Judge Diana Gribbon Motz, who has been known to mandamus her husband when he forgets to take out the garbage. A3G is not saying these judges are necessarily judicial hotties (although Judge Motz is assuredly attractive); she just thinks they have a lot of character, which makes them great subjects for portraiture.

Article III Groupie can picture the photo shoot now. Imagine a large studio in an airy loft. Swimming in the spotlight, judicial robe in full billow thanks to an industrial fan, Judge Ebel or Becker or Motz is vamping up a storm for A3G. The judge changes poses and facial expressions with the chameleon-like ease of Linda Evangelista; A3G is furiously snapping photographs in rapid succession, while simultaneously offering direction to her model: "Judge, let me see fierce. Fierce! Yes, just like that, fierce, fierce. Great, great stuff. Okay, now I'm looking for sultry, Your Honor. Sultry, sultry. Yes, perfect, that's it! Show me some love, Judge! Work it, work it!"

Unfortunately, for various reasons, the above scenario is not possible (although there is precedent for federal judicial photo shoots; in addition to Judge Kozinski and Helmut Newton, liberal judicial diva Susan Dlott has been photographed by Annie Leibowitz, as noted here and here). Accordingly, the success of "In Camera" will have to depend upon you, the readers of UTR. And so A3G hereby issues a UTR Discovery Request: Please submit federal judicial photographs for possible publication by e-mail. (Thank God for the rise of digital cameras! A request for such photos made just a few years ago would have yielded a fraction of what A3G hopes to obtain from her readers today.)

The "In Camera" submission guidelines are as follows:

1. Submissions should be exclusive, i.e., photos not available anywhere else. Please do not download pictures available elsewhere on the internet and send them to A3G (which she is perfectly capable of doing herself).

2. Feel free to crop or otherwise alter pictures for appropriate purposes. What is an "appropriate purpose" for A3G? Well, like Justice Stewart, she knows it when she sees it. Cropping a picture to remove people who are not fabulous federal judges is perfectly acceptable; pasting federal judicial faces on to naked bodies may be more problematic.

3. Feel free to submit information about the circumstances surrounding the taking of the photo and/or a suggested caption or captions (which A3G may or may not use).

4. By submitting a photograph, you are granting A3G permission to do with it as she will. Possible purposes to which pictures might be put include, but are not limited to, publication in "In Camera"; suitable deployment in another, non-"In Camera" post; and keeping A3G company in her bubble bath, as she relieves the stress of a long day...

To start things off, A3G offers you this photograph of Judge Kozinski, entitled "IMMOOSE." A picture is worth a thousand words, so no commentary is necessary (and the title pretty much says it all anyway). Enjoy!

Ready to make love to the camera,

Article III Groupie

*Speaking of Playboy, did A3G forget to mention that Judge Kimba Wood (S.D.N.Y.)--the #1 Female Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary--was once a Playboy bunny? Oh, and with Election Day just a few days away, John Kerry has asked me to remind you: MARY CHENEY IS A LESBIAN!!!