A Holiday Wish List for Groupies

by Clerquette

Yes, Groupies: Clerquette realizes that it is merely November, and that drugstores everywhere are still stocked with Halloween candy (at fire sale prices, Clerquette hastens to add, for those of you who didn't get your fill of Sweet-Tarts and Hershey's Miniatures!). And, yes, Clerquette is aware that there are a sprawling 41 shopping days left before Christmas. But, after hearing sad news of the death of Justice Sandra Day O'Connor's husband, John, Clerquette thought that a little holiday cheer might be in order. To wit, we have started compiling a non-denominational Holiday Wish List for Groupies.  After all, it's never too early to start passing around a list of items you might want to find under your tree/menorah/other non-exclusionary shrine to holidays which happen to fall in December. One caveat: if you, dear Groupies, count yourselves among the devotees of Santa Claus, you will need to establish, with a reasonable degree of certainty, that you have been "nice," and need not be relegated to the list of naughty coal-receivers.  I leave this task in your wise discretion.  

With that, Clerquette suggests the following treats:

1)At the intersection of sabermetrics and High Court Geek Love lies ... "Supreme Court Sluggers" collectible baseball cards! The first in a promised series of trading cards features Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr., who stares, glassy-eyed, from the front of the card, clad in a judicial robe and pitchers' mitt.  The cards are the creation of the folks at The Green Bag -- whom, incidentally, Groupies can thank for the brilliant desk-bling we think of as the "Highest Bobbleheads in the Land". According to TGB, "the portrait of Chief Justice Roberts was inspired by the classic Mordecai 'Three Finger' Brown trading card;" Brown, was a "Natural" choice for a Roberts doppelganger because (says TGB) he "was a pitcher, the #1 position on a baseball team, just as Roberts, as Chief Justice, is effectively #1 in seniority on the Supreme Court." The Roberts card is a charming, spoke-ready morsel of inside baseball: for example, baseball nostalgists will be delighted by its portrait-within-a-portrait of Bill Klem, the "John Marshall of umpires, while the compilation, on the back of the card, of Roberts stats and quotes will make the Supreme Court fan on your gift list brandish his/her foam finger in unmitigated joy. Give us an "O"! Give us a "Y"! Give us an "E" ...   

2) Joan Biskupic, American Original (2009). Just in time for Christmas comes this new biography of Justice Antonin "Nino" Scalia -- a.k.a. the Simon Cowell of the High Court. Biskupic, who has covered the Court since 1989, theorizes that Nino's flair for, well, flair, may have "roots in his childhood in Trenton and Queens."  No: Biskupic is not suggesting that Nino was traumatized by the experience of Growing Up B&T; rather -- as she explained to SCOTUSblog's Tom Goldstein -- as the only child in his nuclear and extended families, Nino "had the spotlight on him the entire time."  This blogress, for one, was tres tickled by the thought of Nino honing his razor-sharp wit, gift for showmanship, and operatic panache in front of a couchful of expectant relatives who, while waiting to be served an Italian feast, expect to be entertained, darn it. (We further deduce that the Clan Scalia probably never had a kids' table. No hiding behind baby talk for young Nino!)  Clerquette was also fascinated by Biskupic's revelation that, despite his initial resistance, Nino eventually agreed to sit for extensive interviews. What won him over? Biskupic's research on a topic of great interest to Justice Scalia -- to wit: Justice Scalia. While you're waiting for your copy of American Original, check out the podcast of Biskupic's interview with Goldstein (see link above, or find it at the iTunes Store), or this interview with NPR diva Nina Totenberg, the link to which includes an excerpt from the book. 

3) Given today's economy and the current reluctance of many to spend their hard-earned/non-existent bonuses on luxury goods, Clerquette suggests this stocking-stuffer for the sports fan-Groupie on your list: a membership in FantasySCOTUS.net, the newly minted Supreme Court Fantasy League. Recent law-school grad and self-described "big Supreme Court nerd" Josh Blackman created the site so that Groupies like you -- like us, dear readers -- can "play like the Tenth Justice."  The Rules, Blackman explains, are "simple": 

 For each case the Supreme Court grants cert, predict:

-The Outcome of the Case (Affirm or Reverse the lower Court)
-The Split (9-0, 8-1, 7-2, 6-3, 5-4, 4-1-4, or fragmented)
- The Justices in the Majority, and the Justices in the Dissent

At the end of the Term, the Associate Justice who predicts the most cases correctly will be confirmed as the Chief Justice of the Fantasy Supreme Court League, and win a to-be-determined prize.

In true appellate fashion, memberships fees are three-tiered; they range from free (for students and the unemployed) to $10. If you're a betting man, woman, or Groupie, Clerquette says: Christmas has come early this year! Indulge! If you're searching for a gift that will keep on giving -- at least from October to late June/early July -- look no further! FantasySCOTUS.net will keep your favorite groupie busy, away from productive activity, and unable to engage in telephone conversations while formulating bets for months to come. Hey: at least there's no draft.  

Drop Clerquette a line with YOUR gift suggestions!  You can email me at [email protected], or find me on Facebook!