Keepin' It Real

By Clerquette

United States District Judge Manuel ("Manny") Real may be the baddest of Article III bad boys. Among other things, Judge Real is known for his legendary reversal rate, for telling attorneys that his courtroom "isn't Burger King" because "we don't do it your way here," and, perhaps most (in)famously, for being addressed as "Motherfucker" in open court, by Hustler kingpin Larry Flynt.  In short, one might say that Judge Real marches to the beat of his own drum, or, more often, the footfalls of the angry mob comprised of litigants, attorneys, and even his own co-jurists.  

So, given that Judge Real's penchant for stirring up trouble is practically res judicata, Clerquette was hardly surprised to hear that he appears to be in hot water once again.  It seems that the good judge has been overseeing the seized assets of deposed dictator Ferdinand Marcos for nearly a decade, during which he may have neglected to keep careful notes on pesky details like, oh, say, account activity.   

The Los Angeles Times reports that, following a 1995 trial, Judge Real awarded $1.9 billion to several thousand Filipino claimants who sued Marcos, claiming that they suffered human rights abuses at the hands of the former dictator. (As you may recall, Marcos was forced into exile in Hawaii in 1986 - although we question whether "exile"  is the proper term for a permanent vacation in a luscious tropical locale. Marcos left behind a substantial contingent of disgruntled constituents, as well as wife Imelda's massive shoe collection, estimates of which range from around 1,000 to a foot-boggling 2,700. Oh, the horror.)

Since the mid-'90s, the fate of the funds in question has been the subject of a "cascade of appeals," says the LAT, which culminated in the Supreme Court's determination, last year, that the proper venue for the matter was a Filipino court.  After the high court's ruling, Judge Real was ordered to return the Marcos booty to the Merrill Lynch account from which it had been seized.

That's where things, apparently, get complicated. Judge Real's accounting seems to rely on a bit of "fuzzy math," and lawyers on both sides of the dispute estimate that at least $5 million, and "as much as $50 ... or $60 million" remains unaccounted for.  

Requests for Judge Real to show, well, everyone, the money have gone largely unheeded. Judge Manny's clerk told the LAT that Real "doesn't comment on things," and the Judge has remained mum. If past precedent is any indication of whether he intends to respond in anything other than his own sweet time, the short answer is: ha! Judge Real has been ignoring his critics for longer than many of us have been alive. As Judge Real told a reporter in 1999, his steely resolve has been honed by years of deflecting official AND unofficial censure.

Is Judge Real blessed with a robe of the finest Teflon? No. Just lifetime tenure.

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