Underneath Their Robes: The Alito Children: In Their Own Words

President Bush's wonderful Supreme Court nominee, Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr., is married to Martha Alito (maiden name: Martha-Ann Bomgardner), a former law librarian and now a homemaker. They have two children: Philip Alito, 19, and Laura Alito, 17.

Based on the Google searches people have been running to reach Underneath Their Robes, it's clear that the public is interested in learning more about Judge Alito's lovely family. Although the Alito offspring "ain't exactly dancing Jack" (gavel bang: Law Dork), Phil Alito and Laura Alito are still attractive and accomplished young people. Let's learn a little more about them, shall we?*

Phil Alito is a second-year transfer student at the University of Virginia. In high school, Phil was a moot court champ (see item #12); he also played tennis and soccer. Phil is pictured at left, and since he's 19, A3G is permitted to say: he's a hottie!

Phil's father, it's worth noting, was also quite handsome in his youth. If he had not gained a little weight and lost a little hair in the intervening years, Judge Samuel Alito might have made UTR's list of male superhotties of the federal judiciary.**

Philip Alito spent his freshman year of college at Colgate University, where he was an editor of The Forum, "a non-partisan publication that seeks to encourage and facilitate the discussion of contemporary legal, political and social issues." Phil clearly has a robust and irreverent sense of humor; check out his editor bio from the Forum (Google Cache is wonderful, isn't it?):

First, God made the heavens and earth. Then came Arby's, followed shortly by Carl Jr. and other inferior brands of fast food. Fast foward. Homer's epics, Texas was created, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier, died at the Alamo, King Kong attacked Manhattan, and then, in a completely reactionary move, I was concieved. [A3G: Okay, let's net get into the details about that...]

I was born 9 months and 2 weeks later by a midwife/wolf named Janie Jean, who would prove very influential during my formative years. Shortly after, I became interested in politics and got involved with Gary Condit (not like that). I served as a parking aide to Nancy Pelosi (I won't even start on her) but was fired when Barbara Boxer came onto me. Eventually, I decided that my teeth needed to be cleaned, so I came to Colgate with a band of gypsies (who I have declared war on and will one day destroy). I decided to join "The Forum" to make friends but obviously that hasn't worked out. So, soon I will probably find a cow at a nearby farm and ride my way to glory in either LA or at the Calgary Rodeos.

Hmm... Will Senator Barbara Boxer vote against Judge Alito because his son accused the good senatrix of making unwanted sexual advances? Only time will tell...

(Update: Chris Geidner, over at Law Dork, analyzes some of the Forum op-eds penned by Phil Alito -- including one discussing the importance of Supreme Court appointments.)

Judicial daughter Laura Alito is a 17-year-old student at James Caldwell High School in West Caldwell, New Jersey. She is a rather attractive young woman, as you can see in the photograph at right, and a very successful competitive swimmer. On the internet, you can find her musings on friendship:

Friendship is defined as the relationship between two people based on affection and respect. But how many people actually truly value their friendships? It seems to be a growing theme that most people take their friends for granted and think they will always be there for them. Friendship is one of the most important things that people can learn. They learn how to be kind to others, respect people for who they are, and most importantly to just have someone whom they can trust and establish a bond.... I think everyone should learn to value his friendships a little more because one never knows what tomorrow might bring and maybe all you’ll need is just a friend to lean on.

Very interesting! President Bush, now that you've nominated a solid conservative with fabulous credentials to the Supreme Court, all that Harriet Miers business is forgiven and forgotten. But A3G can't help noticing: If only you had heeded Laura Alito's wise words about not taking your friends for granted, we might have been spared much aggravation -- as well as tasteless references to a distinguished jurist as "sloppy seconds."

* Before you accuse A3G of violating the privacy of the Alito kids, please note that all of the information she obtained about them was from the internet; as such, it's fair game under the "plain view" doctrine. Having information available about you on the internet is the cyber-equivalent of having a sign trumpeting the information on your lawn. You can't claim a Fourth Amendment violation after the police arrest you for growing marijuana in your front yard, can you?

** One might argue that Judge Alex Kozinski, who prevailed in UTR's judicial hottie competition, also carries more pounds and less hair than he did in his youth (when he successfully competed on The Dating Game, in 1968). But Judge Kozinski more than made up for any shortcomings with a very vigorous campaign in the hottie contest!

Comments

lauraalito looks sexy

Posted by: Nino | April 04, 2006 at 02:43 PM

Since the elder issue of arch-conservative of Alito says he was concieved in a "totally reactionary move" no doubt his parents would have aborted him had they not been able to afford good ol' Janie Jean to assist with the whole mess.

Posted by: Alfanomega | January 25, 2006 at 10:11 PM

I'm surprised to read your raves about the Alito children. I thought Son Alito seemed aloof during his father's big announcement, and Daughter Alito's skirt was a bad misstep--so bad that it approached the terrible outfits Chelsea Clinton used to embarrass her presidential parents with. I anticipate better outfits as her father's nomination progresses.

And what, no analysis of the midwife comment from Son?

Posted by: alito_fan | November 06, 2005 at 07:31 PM