Today's judicial sight-ations are all variations on a common theme, one that has been sounded frequently in these pages in the past: federal judges are people too. If you refuse to believe this, perhaps due to your profound psychological investment in the magnificence and divinity of Their Honors, consider the evidence:
1. Federal judges go to the bathroom. A New Haven-based reader writes:
I thought I'd tell you about an interesting little thing I witnessed at YLS [Yale Law School] over the weekend. There was a symposium honoring John Hart Ely. Lots of bigwigs in town, getting lost in the law school and whatnot.
I was walking in the hallway outside the YLS auditorium and, lo and behold, I saw the Guidomaniac talking with Alan Dershowitz. I positioned myself within a few feet, pretending to read a book, in order to eavesdrop as much as possible. This is all I heard:
Dersh: Where's the bathroom?
Guido: Come on, I'll show you.
Then they both walked away. The Dersh and Guido going to the can together?
WOW! A3G can't help but wonder: Was the men's room big enough to accommodate these two brilliant men, and their enormous intellects -- to say nothing of their (justifiably) gargantuan egos?
Both Judge Calabresi and Professor Dershowitz are among the Anointed, having clerked for Justice Black and Justice Goldberg, respectively. The prospect of these two legal geniuses taking a bathroom break together puts A3G in mind of a certain wise old adage: "Just because you're one of the Elect doesn't mean your s*** don't stink..."
A3G apologizes for the tastelessness of the foregoing discussion, which she hopes is made up for by its timeliness: Friday is World Toilet Day.
(Check out these posts from Best of the Web Today to learn more about Friday's festivities, which include the World Toilet Summit of the World Toilet Organization, plugged in the following blurb: "Benefit from an interesting mix of plenary sessions covering in-depth situational studies and invaluable experiences from not less than 25 international and local speakers on Tourism, Design, Maintenance, Water Conservation, and Challenges and Considerations of the Toilet Code of Practice!")
2. Federal judges get divorced. Even hearts cloaked in robes can be broken. Many federal judicial marriages don't have fairy tale endings. Consider the case of Judge Ursula Ungaro (S.D. Fla.), formerly Judge Ungaro-Benages, who has been experiencing an annus horribilis.
Back in August, the folks upstairs -- i.e., the Eleventh Circuit -- affirmed a grant of summary judgment in favor of two banks that she had sued, alleging that the banks stole her family's interest in a manufacturing business during the Nazi regime in Germany (as noted here by Abstract Appeal). Needless to say, this was not happy news.
More recently, Judge Ungaro's divorce from Michael Benages became final. Michael got the house in swanky Coral Gables (plus their two dogs), while the Honorable Ursula was relegated to a Brickell area condo (although she did receive certain other marital assets).
And the judicial sight-ation? On Tuesday of last week, Judge Ungaro was spotted dining with her ex-husband at the Biltmore.
3. Federal judges receive junk mail. A UTR reader who attended the Federalist Society National Lawyers Convention wrote in with the following Supreme sight-ation:
Justice Scalia delivered the Barbara Olson Memorial Lecture at this year's convention. Prior to taking the podium, he was seen chatting outside the ballroom of the Mayflower Hotel with his former clerk, Sixth Circuit Superhottie Jeff Sutton.
The Justice was wearing a dark grey suit, white shirt, and red-and-blue striped tie. He appeared to have lost some weight, although he was still looking a bit blockish -- which may explain why he asked a photographer to stop taking pictures during his speech. The camera adds ten pounds, you know!
With apologies for her rudeness, A3G must interrupt her correspondent to make some brief observations. The Justice's lack of sartorial diversity is disappointing; his outfit sounds suspiciously similar to what he wore during his recent visit to the University of Michigan Law School. The neckwear also sounds unexciting, but it may have been mandated by the occasion -- based on the description, it sounds like an official Federalist Society tie.
(As for his pique at the paparazzo, this wasn't the first time Justice Scalia has expressed annoyance with an overly aggressive photographer -- see item #4 in this post.)
Sorry for cutting in like that; A3G will now yield the floor to her faithful correspondent:
By the way, A3G, given your evident interest in photographs of federal judicial fabulousness, you might be interested in some comments the Justice made concerning a picture of him that ran in some liberal publication. The article, which he held up before the audience, had pictures of Justice Scalia, Jerry Falwell, and John Ashcroft, with the caption, "Keep them out of the bedroom!" Justice Scalia quipped that the photo "is actually a really good picture of me. I look like I'm 20 years old! They should have checked with the Washington Post -- they've got some real bad ones of me."
Justice Scalia's speech was a retread of his Harvard remarks -- you know, the comments that spawned Orgygate -- but with some humorous new material added to the end. He told the story of how, shortly before the election, he received a piece of political fundraising junk mail from James Carville (whom he referred to, with a sniff of disaste, as "the Ragin' Cajun"). To exert what Justice Scalia described as an "in terrorem" effect, the mailing had the following question written on the outside of the envelope, in huge red letters: "What would you think of... CHIEF JUSTICE SCALIA?"
At this point, the audience roared with laughter, enjoying the hilariously bizarre prospect of Justice Scalia receiving such a mailing -- then erupted into thunderous cheering, at the thought of the Rock Star of One First Street becoming the Chief Justice of the United States... [A3G note: Like his fellow rock star Ozzy Osbourne, Justice Scalia may soon be getting his own reality show.]
The moral of the story, dear readers? Even Supreme Court justices receive junk mail!
(To learn more about Justice Scalia's speech, see, e.g., this article in the Washington Post, this article in the Christian Science Monitor, this post at Crescat Sententia, and this post at Southern Appeal.)
As promised, A3G will be blogging more about the National Lawyers Convention -- in the form of a Robing Room Report dispatch, replete with awards for the best- and worst-dressed judges in attendance. So check back with her soon!
Getting up from her computer, so she can go celebrate "World Toilet Night,"
I stopped being wowed by legal celebrities when I attended Alan Dershowitz's criminal law class. He may have a large public profile, but he's a very normal human being with plenty of warts beyond having to visit the men's room on occasion. Terribly shy in small groups, such as when he began taking students to lunch 4 or 5 at a time. I always felt that if they made a move about his life, the perfect actor to play him would be Woody Allen, at his most neurotic.
Posted by: David | July 18, 2007 at 05:27 PM