Courthouse Forum: More on John Marshall High and Naughty State Court Judges

Hello darlings! Article III Groupie is back in the Hermès saddle, after a highly unpleasant sojurn at a client's headquarters, collecting documents for review and possible production from a bunch of pasty-faced, Dilbert-ian functionaries.

A3G's latest post is a new installment of "Courthouse Forum: Letters to Article III Groupie," collecting reader correspondence written in response to the post State Court Judges Are Icky. A3G would like to begin by sharing with you a lovely letter from the #1 male Superhottie of the Federal Judiciary, Judge Alex Kozinski of the Ninth Circuit:

A3G:

Of course, only one federal judge actually graduated from John Marshall High School. Just by way of a hint, you should know that John Marshall High is in Hollywood, less than a mile from ABC studios, once home of the Dating Game.

There is a bust of C.J. Marshall out front--at least there once was, and hasn't been removed so far as I know--and its student body is known as the Barristers.

Alumni of JMH that have had some involvement with our system of justice include Caryl Chessman and Lance Ito (who was president of the class of '68--the EZ Rider's graduating class). With regard to misbehavior by state judges, not to be missed is Professor Steve Lubet's short article, Stupid Judge Tricks, 41 South Texas Law Review 1301 (2000).

Ciao.

AK

A3G has read Professor Lubet's piece, which she recommends most highly. A "stupid judge trick," as Professor Lubet explains, "is something more than a simple incident of misconduct. It is a judicial or quasi-judicial act that causes you to scratch your head in wonderment and exclaim, 'What could that judge have possibly been thinking?'" Id. at 1302. Some examples of stupid judge tricks actually committed by state court judges: "drug-dealing, indecent exposure and soliciting, punching a litigant, and ethnic slurs coupled with untruthful denials." Id. One judge was stupid enough to conduct an antiques business from chambers, "displaying antiques throughout the courthouse and offering them for sale," and using "court employees to drive him on shopping trips in search of antiques. Id. at 1303. Another judge "likewise misused his chambers, though not for financial gain":

While the jury was deliberating in a drunk driving case, Judge Baldwin left the courthouse and returned with a twelve-pack of beer, sharing it with both the prosecutor and defense counsel. Following the jury's verdict of guilty, the judge--still on the bench in his robe, and in the presence of the recently-convicted defendant--invited the jurors to join with him in drinking the beer. Stated Judge Baldwin, "I know this is uncommon, and kind of funny following a DUI case. I'll deny it if any of you repeat it." Though two jurors joined the party, the others, evidently more judicious than the judge, declined. By stipulation, Judge Baldwin accepted censure and resigned from the bench.

Id. at 1304.

And some state court judges need some cold water splashed under their robes:

Sexual harassment by judges is a recurring problem, and the case of Mississippi Commission on Judicial Performance v. Spencer is fairly typical. Judge Howard Junior "Buster" Spencer consistently made improper sexual suggestions to female court staff, once commenting that he was tempted to buy a pair of "small red panties" for a clerk, and on another occasion offering to wash the blue jeans of a female staff person if she would "take them off right [then]." A clerk testified that the judge once came over to her desk carrying a stress ball and asked her if she would "like to squeeze his balls" while he looked down at his crotch and laughed.

Id. at 1306 (footnotes omitted).

As the foregoing makes clear, the heated, long-running debate over the relative competencies of the federal and state judiciaries can be reduced to a single term: ghetto-fabulous! State court judges are ghetto--and federal judges are fabulous!

(And now, a slight digression. A3G prides herself on her extensive vocabulary and linguistic precision. Some readers, however, have questioned her use of the term "ghetto" in referring to state court judges. Having reviewed the various definitions of the term "ghetto," A3G admits that her use of the term to refer to state court judges may have been somewhat imprecise. Perhaps the closest definition to her intended meaning is this one: "When something is tacky/awful/cheap or just ass it usually is ghetto. Can apply to a person/place/thing as well." Also reasonably close is this definition, "poor; of or relating to the poor life," including a delightful usage example: "Jane hid her head in embarrasment as her mom shamelessly committed the ghetto act of stuffing the restaurant's bread rolls, sugar packets, and silverware in her purse." Perhaps Jane's mom is a not-so-honorable state court judge?)

Other readers have drawn to Article III Groupie's attention to additional recent articles (e.g., this one) providing further support for her contention that state court judges can be quite naughty and commit most egregious acts. Indeed, the body of literature cataloging the misadventures of state court judges is not insignificant. Another worthwhile piece recommended by a reader is this article by Professor Geoffrey P. Miller, entitled "Bad Judges." The footnotes in Part I of the article are particularly entertaining; here are some of A3G's favorites:

--footnote 20: "judge heard his own son's criminal case"; "judge summarily dismissed criminal case against a friend";

--footnote 25: "judge spoke with fellow judges about a divorce case in which the judge had an interest and, while attending hearing as a spectator, made faces in an attempt to influence the outcome";

--footnote 34: "judge released paramour from jail";

--footnote 60: "judge signed warrant for arrest of a personal enemy";

--footnote 64: "judge attempted to use his position to avoid a citation for soliciting prostitutes";

--footnote 65: "judge allegedly pressured Southern Illinois University School of Law to admit his stepson, and when the application was denied, retaliated by banning students from the school's clinic from representing clients in his court";

--footnote 100: "judge drove a juvenile he had sentenced to a detention center, and when the center refused to accept the boy, took him to a gambling casino";

--footnote 116: "judge became abusive towards law clerk after termination of romantic relationship between them";

--footnote 126: "judge allegedly had [courtroom] spectator arrested for leaning sideways on a bench, then ordered a body cavity search";

--footnote 130: "judge commented on breasts of prosecuting attorney and told another prosecutor that he wanted to 'jump your bones'";

--footnote 158: judge said to the mother of an unwed young prengant woman, "I suppose it was too much to ask that your daughter keep her pants on and not behave like a slut"; and

--footnote 206: "after leafing through lingerie catalog [in court], judge showed it to female state's attorney and asked, 'what do you think of this one?'"

Heaven forfend! Revealing Victoria's Secrets from the bench--has this judge no sense of decency?

A3G would like to conclude this installment of Courthouse Forum with two additional pieces of reader mail she received in response to her critique of state court judges. First, here's a missive from a Bon Jovi fan:

Article 3 Groupie, you know I love you, but I must take exception to your recent maligning of Jon Bon Jovi. While I share your sentiments that federal judges are vastly cooler than state judges, I must dispute your use of attendance at a Bon Jovi concert as indication of uncoolness. Jon Bon Jovi is a proud supporter of the great state of New Jersey, a talented political fundraiser, and the driving force behind some of the very best hair band anthems of the 80s. Moreover, he is hot. Accordingly, I believe that, while it was improper for the unnamed state court judge to misuse her position of power, it was not a badge of inferiority to attend the concert in question.

Article III Groupie adheres to her position that an admiration for Bon Jovi is decidedly declassé. Bon Jovi's involvement in the meretricious business of political fundraising only drags him deeper into the cesspool, and his responsibilty for "some of the very best hair band anthems of the 80s" is similarly incriminating. As for his New Jersey roots, A3G seriously doubts whether this connection enhances Bon Jovi's stature. Of course, A3G means no disrespect to the judicial superstars who constitute the Garden State's rather impressive Third Circuit contingent: Supreme Court short-lister Samuel Alito; Judicial Diva Maryanne Trump Barry (The Donald's big sis--how could she not be a Judicial Diva?); the brilliant and high-powered Michael Chertoff, a former DOJ muckity-muck and member of the Elect; and judicial hottie Julio M. Fuentes. But come on, we're talking about Sopranos-land here...

Second, here's a letter inquiring into the status of Article I jurists:

With Article III judges being deserving of their own fan site, and state judges being, at best, icky--where do you place Article I judges? They are federal judges--appointed by the President and confirmed by the Senate. Then again, they have neither lifetime appointments nor their own fan site (yet). This begs the question: are Article I judges also icky? Or are they merely grungy? Maybe scuzzy? Any insight will be appreciated.

--Article I Sycophant

Alas, Article I judges will never be as sexy as Article III deities. As the old saying goes, "Life tenure is the ultimate aphrodisiac." Furthermore, many Article I judges preside over cases with flaccidity-inducing subject matters (e.g., veteran disability benefit claims). And while some Article III demi-gods were once Article I judges--such as Judge Kozinski, formerly of the U.S. Court of Federal Claims--the Article-I-to-Article-III path is not well-traveled. Indeed, there are many more former state court judges on the Article III bench than there are former Article I judges.

A3G would like to close with a few remarks for the record. She apologizes for her Article III snobbery and her disparagement of state court judges. Tales of misbehaving state court judges can be quite entertaining, but the misconduct of the few should not tarnish the reputation of the many. Article III Groupie hereby acknowledges the invaluable contributions to the administration of justice that are made by thousands of outstanding state court judges around the country. State court judges, UTR salutes you!

Toning down her fed courts chauvinism, in anticipation of her winding up on the state court bench someday,

Article III Groupie

Comments

[Dusty Old Books]

So current Article IV judges serve in tropical paradises, but in the not too distant past they would have served in the frozen north as well. I think that should elevate them a bit in the rankings of Art. I, Art. III, Art. IV, and State judges. And what about those underappreciated ALJ's and Hearing Officers? Is there a place in our hearts for Article II breth/sisteren?

[Steve Lubet]

A3G was kind enough to recommend my article, "Stupid Judge Tricks," as evidence of the antics of state court judges. Just to show that I am even handed in these matters, devotees might also want to look at “Bullying From The Bench,” 5 The Green Bag 2d 11 (2001), in which I point out some erratic behavior on the federal side.

[A4S]

Dear A3G,

I am offended that you have not ONCE mentioned an Article IV judge! Article IV judges are not only sexy, but have most of the powers of Article III judges, except, perhaps to sit on panels. See Khanh Phuong Nguyen v. United States, 539 U.S. 69 n. 9 (2003) (bench slapping of 9th cir. by SCOTUS after letting an Article IV judge sit on a three-judge panel).

Moreover, Article IV judges always live in tropical paradises. Therefore, you must present more gossip on Article IV courts, past, present or future.

Sincerely,

Article IV Slut

PS: Although I keep my identity secret, I should mention that I believe that I am the only law clerk in current service to have served in state court, Article III court and an Article I court. Of course, I only know six other law clerks as the rest fear me.

PPS: Sorry I said “slut.”