Like any good Groupie, the above-signed blogress has spent the last week or so with her ear to the ground (skip the mental image, please) and her eye on the news (and the SCOTUS Leaderboard, of course!). Needless to say, in the absence of hard information, Souter-replacement coverage has taken the form of gossip, speculation, and overly opinionated editorializing -- present company included.
Clerquette can't help but notice the slightly wistful tone that, in recent days, has crept into the voices of some members of the punditocracy. Everyone wants something different in a nominee, but Clerquette can't help but feel, at times, as though she is reading an ad on Craigslist Match.com for an ideal candidate.
Choosing a Supreme Court nominee is hard! As a preliminary matter, Clerquette thinks we can all agree that the nominee must be a nominette, which narrows the field - though not by much. And she has to look good in black, which shouldn't be hard. But some of the desired qualities of this UberJudge are beginning to emerge, giving shape to the collective vision of the judicial fox who will occupy the Souter seat. As reported by Adam Liptak in this article, there appears to be a collective yearning for a nominette who is "bigger and bolder." According to Professor John McGinnis, she should also be "a very good writer." Editor Fred R. Shapiro agrees, noting that the current court is "eloquence challenged."
Of course, she has to be intelligent. But are garden-variety smarts enough to get our nominette to the A-list? Not even close. Even those with divergent opinions about the mystery candidate's other qualities agree: she must be a worthy adversary playmate for Nino, who reigns as the Simon Cowell of The Supremes.
Should she be gay, or at least "gay friendly"? The jury is out. And while no one has said, directly, that she should be attractive, a number of speculators have implied that the portly need not apply. Finally,the emerging consensus is that our Supreme nominette must posses the ill-defined quality of "empathy." (Empathy, scoff conservative critics doing their advance work, is just another word for being partial. Indeed, they insist, a justice should be a cold, hard machine, with "empathy for no one." Meow!)
So, dear readers: here's your assignment. Clerquette wants to see your best effort at a personal ad, describing the perfect match for Nino, the Judicial Diva of our dreams, the Empathetic (or Ice) Princess, who will lead us from the current, wit-free landscape and into the lush forest of eloquence and spitfire ... you get the picture. Bring it, Groupies!