Time for a "Searching Under the Robes" post. The weird, funny, or interesting web searches that bring people to this blog never fail to entertain.* Here's the latest batch of searches , preceded in each case by commentary from A3G:
Um, no, we don't think she's had one...
--Consuelo M. Callahan abortion
Okay, fine; A3G realizes that the searcher was probably just seeking information about the abortion jurisprudence of Judge Consuelo Callahan (9th Cir.), a Supreme Court short-lister. But part of the fun of "Searching Under the Robes" is taking web searches and reading ridiculous things into them, without any justification!
For example, take this search, which lends itself to double entendres:
--Thomas underneath clerks
You said it, not A3G (who does not wish to be hunted down in the middle of the night and killed by the Luttigator mafia):
--judge luttig is brilliant, but not very nice
--judge luttig feeds clerks by any means necessary
A3G will say, however, that among the white male SCOTUS candidates, she is rooting for Judge Michael W. McConnell (10th Cir.) -- who also counts Hugh Hewitt, Eugene Volokh, and Orin Kerr among his fans -- or Judge Samuel A. Alito, Jr. (3d Cir.), who is also brilliant, but known for being very pleasant, low-key, and mild-mannered (despite the misleading nickname of "Scalito.").
But as A3G recently observed, the SCOTUS nomination of Judge J. Michael Luttig (4th Cir.) is starting to look inevitable. In light of poll results like this, which suggest that "few Americans see [diversity] as an essential quality of the next nominee," it's looking increasingly likely that John Roberts will be joined on the bench by his good friend and former groomsman, Mike Luttig.
A3G speculates that Judge Alito, one of the Great Unwashed, is being used as cannon fodder to shield Judge Luttig, one of the Elect (OT 1983/Burger). While the liberal interest groups waste time and energy gearing up to fight Judge Alito, going over his Third Circuit Casey opinion with a fine-tooth comb, Judge Luttig can start plotting his move across the Potomac. Once again, as was the case with Judge Edith Brown Clement (5th Cir.) and then-Judge John G. Roberts, the Great Unwashed are forced to make sacrifices so that the Elect can continue their world conquest. What else is new?**
Look, if you have such detailed and specific fantasies, wouldn't it be easier just to write your own erotica?
--free erotic stories husbands catching wives with black lover get turned on watching
--justice scalia hobbies and interests
Hey, A3G is curious too. If you hear anything juicy about the well-coiffed Judge Sotomayor, please let A3G know!
--sonia sotomayor personal life
Really? How interesting! (And yes, it's true; you can read about it here.)
--boston university professor fired for blogging about a distractingly attractive student
Hmm... Any plaintiffs' lawyers out there reading UTR? Could we have a class action on our hands?
--judge rendell's casserole made me fat!!!
If cigarette companies can be held liable for the illnesses of smokers, surely Judge Marjorie O. Rendell (3d Cir.) -- who also serves as the First Lady of Pennsylvania, as the wife of Governor Edward Rendell -- can be held liable for adverse health consequences arising out of her broccoli-chicken casserole. Judge Rendell is contributing to America's obesity epidemic -- and she deserves to pay for it, in the form of money damages to her victims. Somebody get Stan Chesley on the phone!
(And no, the fact that Judge Rendell also offers a recipe for a raspberry souffle that purports to be "lowfat!" is no defense. It would be like Altria trying to escape tort liability by saying, "Sure, our product kills people -- but we support lots of charitable organizations!")
Now, some of you might be thinking: "Judge Rendell's recipe calls for taking copious amounts of cream cheese and adding salt. If you eat it and get fat, it's your own damn fault!" But did that kind of "personal responsibility" reasoning help the tobacco companies? No way! And it probably won't save the fast food comanies either, now that the trial lawyers have them in their sights. So Judge Rendell should be fair game, for her "Super-Sizing" of the good people of Pennsylvania.
A study question for any law dorks among the UTR readership (i.e., all of you): Because Judge Rendell disseminated the aforementioned casserole recipe in her official capacity as First Lady of Pennsylvania, can she claim qualified immunity in a damages action arising out of her deadly casserole? (Feel free to post any thoughts in the comments.)
* Google, by the way, now has its own version of a report on the searches people are running.
** Are you getting tired of A3G's constant, resentful whining over not getting a Supreme Court clerkship? Well, you're not alone, but sorry -- she can't help herself. And since UTR is her blog, she can be as bitter as she pleases; venting her spleen in this manner is actually therapeutic for her. You must accept the bad parts of this blawg along with the good. Consider listening to A3G's endless b****ing as the price of admission to UTR.