Here is the latest batch of funny or strange internet searches, conducted with Google and various other search engines, that have delivered web surfers to Article III Groupie's merry little blawg.
1. As usual, numerous visitors stumbled upon UTR while searching for prurient material. The searches below are just a representative sampling of the more weird or disturbing ones. Guess it just goes to show, as the old adage goes, "the internet is for porn"! (Link includes sound file; be patient, it's worth it!)
--spring break in florida hot bodies contest
--sexy butts in thorny thongs
--girls taking big things in their ass
--top ten websites for pin-up glamour girls wearing high heels and stockings
--lower texas hotties
--babes,babes,babes,babes & office babes
--are there any sites that have video clips of men taking their thongs off
--republican girls taking off their clothes
--HOT NUNS LETTERS
--patterned pubic hair
--picture of men scratching their balls
--teresa heinz kerry swimsuit
--sexy girls with ice cream
2. At least these web searches have something to do with the law or with judges, but they're still a bit odd or funny:
--horny female judges [Hmm... How about her?]
--tenth circuit oklahoma judges don't read law clerks write opinions
--barristers drinking coffee in robes
--How to sell judicial clerkships
--compliments to someone on being appointed to a judgeship
[What's wrong with a simple "congratulations"? Well, if you find it unoriginal, compliment him on the size of his gavel.]
3. A3G says: "Hands off, sister -- he's mine!"
--how to find a yale law school rhodes scholar to marry
--how do i marry a rhodes scholar and get in the new york times wedding announcements
4. Hmm, definitely not Judge Reinhardt:
[Okay, A3G will 'fess up: that dig was ideologically motivated. To demonstrate her evenhandedness, she will note for the record that Judge Kozinski, a conservative top-ranked feeder judge, is "pudgy," by his own admission.]
5. Speaking of The Easy Rider:
--how tall is judge alex kozinski [Answer: 5'7"]
--ted kozinski [Might you be looking for him? No relation to Judge Kozinski, of course.]
6. Naturally, some people came to A3G's blog while searching for tips about beauty, fashion, and style:
--juicy robes [Didn't know they made them!]
--amazon female bath robe
--discount judicial robes
--Cincinnati Pro bono liposuction [#2 Google result -- bizarre!]
--martha stewart maxi pad ideas ["I like to weave them together to form a big, fluffy quilt. It's a good thing!"]
7. Are opponents of the California Dreamin' Diva so desperate that they will accuse her of anything?
--kuhl klux klan
Judge Carolyn Kuhl, the filibustered Ninth Circuit nominee, has been attacked by the People for the American Way for her involvement in "the Reagan Administration’s decision to reverse long-standing IRS policy that denied tax-exempt status to Bob Jones University and other racially discriminatory private schools." But that doesn't make her a white supremacist -- Judge Kuhl wears a black robe, not a white one!
8. Finally, some people run web searches for things that don't exist:
--weaknesses of federal judiciary
"Weaknesses of the federal judiciary?" Don't be ridiculous -- there are none! As we all know here at UTR, federal judges are absolutely sensational and utterly perfect...
My goodness! As Johnny Carson used to say, "that's some weird and wacky stuff," right? As they say, truth is stranger than fiction.
All of the searches listed above actually led people to UTR -- where many of them stayed for all of two seconds, of course, before clicking the "back" button on their web browser. A3G apologizes to all disappointed porn seekers who were just looking for good old-fashioned smut, and wound up in a weblog of "federal judiciary smut" (as Gawker memorably described UTR).
The virtual world, just like the "real" world, is a pretty weird place, populated by some rather strange people...