Back in June, before many of you had even heard of UTR, Article III Groupie issued this post, Win a Date With One of the Elect! The "Win a Date" contest called upon Supreme Court clerks to volunteer themselves up to be auctioned off for dates. Even though the contest was designed to raise money for a good cause, the Supreme Court Historical Society, the members of the Elect refused to come out and play (perhaps out of modesty, selfishness, a desire to maintain their privacy, or some combination of these factors).
When no one volunteered, the contest died a quiet death (in contrast to UTR's successful Superhotties of the Federal Judiciary contest). This was disappointing to many, not just A3G. In correspondence with one crestfallen reader, A3G speculated that perhaps many Supreme Court clerks feared that participating in the "Win a Date" contest might somehow damage their judicial aspirations. This reader replied: "Silly members of the Elect. Don't they know dating games actually propel them toward judicial nominations? It's too bad there aren't any takers - I needed something to blow my summer associate salary on. I guess I will have to fill the void at Barney's!"
Summer has turned into fall, but Article III Groupie knows that the public still lusts after single Supreme Court clerks. Indeed, she was recently reminded of this when a web surfer was brought to UTR by running this MSN search: orin kerr professor cute. So here she goes again, with a second attempt to unearth the legal profession's most eligible men and women. Welcome to Supreme Bachelors and Bachelorettes!
A3G may not be one of the Anointed, but she can still be executed consistent with Atkins v. Virginia. And she has learned, from American history--which some claim could repeat itself--about what to do when your call for volunteers goes unanswered. The solution: You institute a draft!
Yes, you heard her correctly. No more Mrs. Nice Gal! This time, Supreme Court clerks will be dragged kicking and screaming into the pages of UTR; there will be no waiting for volunteers. This time you, the readers of UTR, will nominate the single Supreme Court clerks that you believe to be the most desirable among the Anointed. A3G will publish their profiles, whether they like it or not, and you will vote for the ones that you believe to be the brainiest and most beautiful. At the end of the process, one man and one woman will be left standing, and they will each receive a title that no one else in the world--not even another one of the Elect--can claim: Supreme Bachelor and Supreme Bachelorette!
First, a few words on eligibility. By "single," A3G is referring to the truly unattached (not just the unmarried). If the prospective nominee is casually dating someone, that's fine; but if the prospective nominee is engaged, or in a serious long-term relationship (e.g., "engaged to be engaged"), they are not eligible. By "Supreme Court clerks," A3G is referring to Supreme Court clerks of the past, present, and future, without any age limit. (Please note A3G's careful avoidance of the term "former Supreme Court clerk," which she finds most objectionable. As A3G explained back in this post, "once a Supreme Court clerk, always a Supreme Court clerk. There is no such thing as a former Supreme Court clerk--being a Supreme Court clerk is not a job, but a state of being.")
Okay, now that we've cleared up eligibility, let's discuss the contents of a nomination package. You may nominate as many people as you like--your friends, enemies, colleagues, law school professors--as long as they meet the eligibility requirements. Pursuant to UTR's standard e-mail policy--which provides that anything e-mailed to A3G is fair game for publication in UTR, but without attribution to the correspondent, unless the correspondent consents--the identities of all nominators will be maintained in confidence.
Please provide, by e-mail, the following information for each nominee:
(3) height (estimates okay)
(4) weight (estimates okay)
(5) eye color
(6) hair color
(7) educational history
(8) employment history
(9) nomination blurb (250 words or less on why your member of the Elect is delectable)
(10) a digital photograph (REQUIRED; entrants without pictures will not be considered)
Items (7) and (8) are essential to Article III Groupie, who is an incorrigible credentials slut and prestige whore. This is, after all, the bizarro world of UTR, where "a cute butt is sexy, but a Bristow Fellowship is sexier," and "the judicial power of the United States is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
Article III Groupie will collect and publish the entries that she receives. She will then allow her readers to vote for the most eligible male and female contestants, with the male winner and female winner crowned, respectively, as the "Supreme Bachelor" and "Supreme Bachelorette." And what will happen to the winners? Well, if they don't rush off and marry each other--as Supreme Court clerks are wont to do--they will hopefully agree to auction themselves off for dates with UTR readers, with auction proceeds going to the Supreme Court Historical Society. (A3G is confident that she will be able to obtain their cooperation. She believes that once the Supreme Bachelor and Supreme Bachelorette have been selected and identified, they will find themselves under considerable public pressure to be good sports and to donate their time for a worthy cause.)
Okay, that's all for now. Additional contest details, including nomination and voting deadlines, will be announced once A3G has a better sense of the interest level and number of nominations. To submit a nomination, or to request more information, please contact A3G by e-mail. She can't wait to see how this contest turns out!
Eagerly anticipating Elect-ion returns,